Seventh Year
by silly sarahhh
Summary: "Lily shook her head, furious with herself for noticing. So what if his shoulders filled out his uniform nicely? If the sharp angle of his jaw made her want to run her finger along it? He was an arrogant arse, and she wanted nothing to do with him."
1. Goblins and Goals

Disclaimer- I'm not JK Rowling.

The glow of a streetlight filtered in through the open window of the room, casting a yellow sheen across the sleeping girl's face. She had fallen asleep with her face pressed against one of the heavy tomes describing the goblin wars of 1572, a striped quill clutched loosely in her fist. Neat, slanted writing sprawled out from underneath the tip across a scroll of parchment-- the product of a long night spent working.

Heavy footsteps sounded outside of the door before it swung open, and a man with a slight frame and shaggy red hair entered. His mouth quirked up at the sight of the sleeping girl, and he paused before lifting her gently from her desk chair and depositing her in the neatly made bed that waited nearby. "Night Lils," he whispered, and then quietly crossed the room and swung the door shut behind him. The girl mumbled, eyes still shut tightly closed, and turned over, her red hair spilling over her shoulders like a cape.

The next morning, as the sun tentatively inched its feelers along the surface of the Earth, Lily Evans awoke with a start. Images of goblins had paraded across the backs of her eyelids all night long, and now the memory of the History of Magic essay sitting abandoned on her desk sent her flying out of bed. Her fingers gently caught up the fragile parchment, and her eyes raced down line after line that she'd penned the previous night. At last she set it down, but only in order to settle dreamily into the wooden chair that served as her desk chair and flip to the proper page in the book. Then, with one leg tucked under her and her mind immersed in the world of Oric the Bloodthirsty and Illiane the Brave, she commenced her scribbling.

"Lily! Lily! Mum says that if you don't come down she's going to throw out the toast she made you," the voice floated up the stairs, jostling Lily from her thoughts. She looked up, annoyance darkening her face, before snatching her quill and parchment from the desk and shuffling downstairs. In the past two hours she had already finished another foot of writing on a comparison of human and goblin behavior during wartime, and now she had only another two inches to go.

"I've re-heated your toast for you." Her mother handed her a plate of toast drizzled with honey and cinnamon as Lily sank onto the closest stool. The smells reawakened her sense of hunger, and she began to eat, her eyes turning back to the essay clutched in her hand.

"Aren't you going to say thank you? Anything? We've all been waiting for you down here and all you can do is read your stupid paper!" Lily's sister was glaring at her from across the table, her cheeks flushed with anger. Her thin blonde hair had been combed back into a ponytail, and escaping wisps gave her the appearance of having a smoking head.

Lily's head rocketed up from her essay before looking around as if she had only just realized her surroundings. For a moment a slight frown played across her forehead, but she quickly shrugged it away. "Sorry 'Tuney... and Mum I suppose. I really am enjoying the breakfast... I'm just dying to finish with this essay so I can send it in early. Allen was saying it increases your chances of being made a Head..." Suddenly she trailed off, spying the thick envelope in her mother's hand. "What... What's that?"

"It came yesterday for you, but you marched straight up to your room as soon you got home so I didn't have a chance to give it to you." Her mum held out the proffered envelope, and Lily took it, suddenly nervous.

"Yes well... had to finish my essay and all" she said distractedly as she slid her finger into the lip in order to open it. Was it just her imagination or was it heavier than usual? She recoiled slightly as her fingertips came in contact with cool metal. It could just as likely be a prefect badge, she reminded herself, trying to ignore her pounding heart. Finally, she summoned her courage and hooked her fingers around the edge in order to pull it out. An engraved "H" gleamed gently in the palm of her hand, embedded in fancy curlicues. The metal of the badge was cool and smooth, and heavy in a reassuring, solid way. She imagined that she would always be able to feel its pull on her sweater when she wore it. For a moment the family was silent, and then Lily's father clapped her on the back.

"That's great! Truly wondrous! We all know how hard you've worked for it, Lily dear," he said, and Lily's mum chimed in with her own praise. When they'd quieted, Lily dazedly excused herself from the table and retreated to her room, her essay left forgotten on the kitchen table. She was far too immersed in examining her new badge to hear Petunia mutter that she was "head of the freaks."

Once she'd reached the safety of her room, she collapsed onto her bed and pulled out the folded pieces of parchment that had accompanied the badge. The first was the usual letter that dictated which books she would need and welcomed her back to Hogwarts for the upcoming year, but she tossed that aside and hastily unfolded the second. Her eyes fell to it hungrily.

_Dear Miss Lily Evans,_

_I would like to congratulate you on receiving the esteemed position of Head Girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Upon boarding the Hogwarts Express you will be expected to attend the annual Prefects meeting in order to explain to the new Prefects their positions and responsibilities. Please be prepared with a welcome speech. Also, it will be your responsibility to organize patrol schedules and weekly meetings for the Prefects alongside the Head Boy. The Head's Dormitory and Common room are located behind the portrait of Sir Grendyll and his hound. In order to gain access to your Common room, simply pat the hound's largest spot twice. You will find your belongings in the room designated as yours. If you are found to be inadequate for the position, or do not wish to participate, the title will be revoked. Best wishes and good luck! Headmaster Dumbledore _

She stared gleefully at the letter for a moment before turning back to the badge. With trembling fingers, she bunched the fabric of her tank top and poked the pin through before stepping back and admiring it in the mirror. The heavy metal pulled at her thin sleep shirt, making it pucker and sag, but she knew that when it was attached to her thick Gryffindor sweater or robe, it would hold up beautifully. Her fingers were itching to write a letter to Alice, but she would have no way to send it even if she did write it. Plus she was running out of ink, and she needed the remainder for her essay. Perhaps tomorrow she and her father could make a trip to Diagon Alley so that she could pick up her supplies. Maybe as a present for making Head Girl she could even pick out an owl! That way she would have a way to send all her essays in early in the first place... Reminded of her essay, she started, before dashing down the stairs to snatch it out of the kitchen and begin working on it with renewed vigor.


	2. Cats and Claws

Disclaimer: The only character I own is Jasper the cat.

Also, please note that every character mentioned is an actual Harry Potter character (other than the cat). Wikipedia offers a great Harry Potter character guide if you'd like to look them up. Oh, and if I slip out of canon, let me know! It's impossible to catch everything. And now on with the story...

Two short weeks later, Lily stepped out of the car with an extremely fluffy black cat clutched under one arm and a worn bag under the other. Her father emerged from the side of their sedan, pulling a luggage trolley with her battered wooden trunk perched upon it. He'd forgotten to brush his hair that morning, so it stuck up at all different angles, catching the sun in a way that made it look as though his head were on fire. Between the two of them, they were receiving quite a few funny looks from muggles, who were also lugging their things into the train station. Lily already had her badge pinned to her thick maroon sweater, where it gleamed with almost the same brilliancy as her father's hair.

"You have a tight enough hold on Jasper?" Her father asked, gesturing to the cat-- a product of their trip to Diagon Alley two weeks back. Lily nodded, and the cat swung his yellow eyes up to meet hers, purring softly. "Well then, let's get on with it. We only have twenty minutes before you need to be on the train." They joined the rush of people entering the station and fought their way through the crowd to platform 3/4 quarters. When at last they reached the station Lily only had time to give her father a quick peck on the cheek before taking the trolley and marching towards the barrier.

"Love you Lils," her father called at her retreating back, and she swung around to meet his eye a last time before melting into the wall and disappearing from him. Immediately, the sounds of people saying their last farewells reached her ears, along with a general happy buzz as students caught up with their friends and boarded the hulking shape of the Hogwarts Express. Lily scanned the crowd for Alice but gave up after a few minutes-- once she'd gotten settled on the train she could focus on finding her friend.

"Head Girl! I should've expected it!" Lily spun to find sandy haired Allen Williamson walking behind her, lugging a similar luggage cart. She fell into step with him, grateful to find a familiar face in the crowd.

"I was fairly shocked... I didn't even have a chance to send in those essays before they notified me. What about you?" She asked, tucking stray strands of her red locks behind her ears. Allen's cheeks flushed red, and his free hand went to the bare spot on his chest. "Oh!" She continued before he could respond, "But I assumed you would be Head Boy! Do you know who it is then?" She could tell her cheeks were beginning to match his.

"I don't, actually. I'd figured if it wasn't me then it'd be Lupin, but I ran into him earlier and he hasn't got it either-- Oh look, there's Ernie! I'm going to go catch up with him until it's time to board. Want me to stow your luggage for you? I'm going in that direction anyway." Lily relinquished her trolley to the boy, and paused in front of the stairs to watch as he struggled to roll them both toward the loading area, the tips of his ears growing redder by the second.

"Love, I know that you'd delight in my missing this train, but I really do have important things planned for this year, and I'd appreciate it if you'd move and let me aboard." A scowl immediately replaced the vacant expression on Lily's face and she whirled to face a tall boy with smooth black hair and sharp cheekbones. He grinned at her expression, before attempting to shove past her, all facades of smooth chivalry fading away.

"Black, if you and your posse dare step a toe out of line I'll put you all in detention," she told him vehemently, her free hand sliding automatically toward the badge pinned over her heart. Sirius' beat her to it, and he gently fondled the sharp edges of the metal, which had been warmed by her body heat.

"Oh I see. Head Girl are we? Well, well, it looks like this will be an... interesting year." The hollows in his cheeks darkened as his smile grew wider. She shrunk away from his touch, and at last his hand fell harmlessly to his side.

"If you touch me--" she began threateningly, but he'd already slipped past, leaving her with a brilliant smile and casual wink, his charm securely back in place. Her skin prickled at the thought of his hand on her chest, and her teeth clenched with anger, but she managed to swallow it before continuing up after him. She'd worked hard for her place as Head Girl, and she wasn't about to let some pig like Black mess it up.

A few cars back, she found Alice in a compartment with some fifth years, and stuffed her bag under one of the seats. Jasper launched himself from her arms upon arrival, and then after carefully inspecting the occupants of the room, curled up between two Ravenclaws, one of whom immediately began to sneeze.

"I've got to go to a Prefect meeting. Watch my stuff, will you? That boy in the corner has hated me ever since Potter cursed him for 'looking at me funny,'" Lily muttered to Alice, nodding toward a solitary boy with tight spiraling curls and bad acne.

Alice shook her head disgustedly. "Go on, I'll watch it. Stupid Potter... Brilliant in the air but such--" Lily let the doors slam shut, cutting off Alice's disgruntled grumbles. The last of the students were now drifting onto the train, and a piercing whistle cut through the air, followed by the conductor's call of "All aboard!" The doors banged shut, and then the train slowly began to rumble beneath Lily's feet. She clutched an overhead rail for support, and carefully made her way toward the prefect's compartment.

"-so I expect that all of you do your duties accordingly. But of course, some leniency is required, particularly when stringency interferes with creativity. We all must learn to respect both the rules and masterminds at work in our humble house of instruction," the voice was loud enough to carry over the rumble of the train, and Lily could hear intermittent chuckles erupt whenever the speaker paused for effect. What sort of Head Boy, she wondered, could be serious enough to have the Prefect's complete attention, but funny enough to make them laugh? The train picked up speed at that moment, causing Lily to stumble into the folding doors of the compartment, which folded open under her weight. Clutching one of the doors for support, she made her entrance. In her imaginings of this meeting, she'd strode in cool and collected, and entertained the Prefects until the Head boy had arrived, at which point she stood and gave an inspiring speech that rallied the Prefects around her. But instead here she was, tripping all over herself, and watching in horror as James Potter, Head Boy badge pinned jauntily on his black t-shirt, finished up an obviously excellent welcome speech.

The Prefects began to clap as Potter finished with a gallant bow, but he held out a firm hand, motioning for quiet as soon as he'd straightened. "And now Witches and Warlocks, please grant us silence, as our ravishing Head girl blesses our ears with her own welcome speech!" Lily's cheeks burned with embarrassment, and she was dying to spit a snide remark at James, but she swallowed her anger, and instead cleared her throat in preparation for her first act as Head girl.

"So I know my entrance was a bit... muddled" she began, her voice sounding too loud and funny in her own ears. A few of the Prefects chuckled appreciatively, before lapsing into silence and waiting attentively for her next words. "But hopefully the rest of the year won't be like that. Even with dark forces gathering outside the walls of Hogwarts, polarizing houses within it, I hope that we can work together to make the castle the safest it's ever been, even when times are the most treacherous we've seen. In order to do that we're going to have to work relentlessly at upholding the rules, ever the while keeping respect for all other beings, even those we disagree with, close to our hearts. Being a Prefect means forever laboring toward the unity of our school, and of judging situations with eyes blind to partialities and friendships. Abide by these words, and you will find the true reward of being a Prefect lies not in access to the Prefect Bathroom, but in the joy that comes of selflessly caring for others. Thank you Prefects, and welcome to what will hopefully be another great year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

For a second, nine blank faces stared up at her, but then Allen Williamson began to clap enthusiastically, and soon the entire compartment was following suite, with James intermittently calling out things like "lovely as always Lily-flower!" and "quite eloquent with her words, now isn't she?"

Relieved to be finished with her speech, Lily practically melted into the open seat next to James, and began to draw up a patrol schedule, too tired to even muster up a proper temper tantrum at the idea of being Head alongside Potter. Two hours later, after the Prefects had been dispersed throughout the train on their watches, Lily hurried back into the car where she'd left Alice to find Jasper clutched in Alice's arms, his bushy black tail protruding from between her legs and twitching irritably, and a nearly empty compartment. "What happened?" She asked, momentarily forgetting her own exhaustion.

"One of the Ravenclaws that Jasper threw himself on was allergic to cats. She had an asthma attack, so her friend took her to find a prefect. And then the chap with the curly hair slipped out about thirty minutes back and hasn't returned since. How'd your meeting go?"

"Oh I don't know..." Lily said, pulling Jasper from Alice's arms and settling him comfortably in her lap as she divulged the details of the Prefect meeting. The sun was just beginning to slide behind the mountains when both the curly haired boy and the snack trolley arrived at their door. The curly haired boy slunk in, hunching his shoulders until he'd retreated to his corner, while the plump woman that pushed the snack trolley happily traded them pumpkin pasties and Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans in exchange for sickles and knuts. When she turned toward the boy, he shook his head silently, keeping his eyes directed past her, into the hallway. With a shrug she moved on, letting the doors fold closed behind her.

After only a short time, the doors opened again, and this time light from the windows fell on the squat figure of a boy with gingery hair. "Vindictus!" He hissed toward their curly haired friend, and the boy quickly leapt out of his seat and grabbed his bags, disappearing into the hallway after a last guilty glance at Lily.

"What in hell could Pettigrew want with a sixth year Slytherin? And what Slytherin in his right mind would go with him?" Alice's eyes were still pasted to the door, as though perhaps the odd pair might return and answer her questions.

Lily didn't know, so she didn't bother with an answer. Instead, she pulled her neatly folded robes out of her bag, and carefully unpinned her Head badge from her shirt. Once her robes were comfortably buttoned, she polished her badge with her sleeve and then replaced it in the place over her heart. By the time the train pulled to a stop in front of the castle, both girls were fully dressed and the sun had disappeared completely behind the mountains.

A glimmering half moon had risen over the trees in place of the sun, casting pools of white light that clung to the intricate towers and spires of the castle before spilling across the surface of the glassy black lake that stretched from its base. Moonbeams lanced down through the canopies of the trees, making the badge on Lily's chest shine as brightly as Jasper's yellow eyes as she stepped down from the cozy interior of the train and into the chilly September air toward her one true home.


	3. Trap Doors and Turkey

Lily and Alice found themselves crammed into a carriage with Gladys Gudgeon, a fellow 7th year, and her little brother, a second year named Galvin. As the carriage trundled over the darkened grounds, they all listened in silence as Gladys recited the long list of male celebrities that she'd gotten pictures of over the summer. Occasionally Galvin would pipe in with a detail, and Gladys would shush him before continuing on. At the end of the ride, the girls stepped gladly out of the carriage, stretching their limbs, which had stiffened after the hard seats on the train and then jolting carriage ride. Above them rose the castle, the cheery yellow light from each of its windows growing smaller as it stretched toward the sky, until finally they were only tiny pinpricks of light. They could hear the Whomping Willow wave its branches menacingly in the darkness to their left. From the castle wafted the smells of a delicious feast, and the crowd of students spilled into the warm entrance hall, eager to begin eating.

They all took their usual places, and Lily surveyed the Gryffindor table thoughtfully, noting that a few of the muggle-borns were missing from the long rows of faces. Alice sat beside her, except her eyes were trained on the ceiling, watching carefully as the clouds shifted and morphed against the expansive sky. The Great Hall was filled with cheery chatter, and from down at the other end of the table she could hear Black complaining loudly about having to wait for the first years to begin eating. Lily shook her head, annoyed. They were sitting here comfortably while the poor First years were rowing across a freezing black lake, with hardly an idea in their heads about what they would soon be facing. Sirius Black could certainly contain his appetite until they'd arrived. At last Professor McGonagall strode in through the open doors, a stool and battered old hat clutched in her hands. She placed them at the front, giving the hat a tender pat before stepping aside. All faces turned to watch as the First years were herded in, their faces ashy white in the warm light of the Great Hall. They stood bunched in the corner, watching cautiously as the Sorting Hat began its song.

Lily had just slipped into memories of her own sorting, when she felt a warm hand on her back. "Lily! McGonagall wants us up at the front with her!" A voice hissed into her ear. Lily started and spun around in her seat, finding herself face to face with none other than James Potter. Alice helpfully pulled Jasper onto her lap, and Lily climbed hastily over the bench. James looked as white as Professor Binns as he gestured her forward and they crept along the edges of the Great Hall toward the Sorting Hat.

"Are you sure? The letter didn't say anything about this..." She could see a stir in the students as they turned to watch the Heads make their way up front, and her cheeks darkened with blood. "If you're wrong, and we're just making arses of ourselves... I'll-"

She never had the chance to finish her threat, because at that moment the Sorting Hat finished its song, and they arrived next to Professor McGonagall. She nodded approvingly before pulling a long roll of parchment from her robes. From the side, Lily could see miniature names written in scarlet ink sprawling down its surface.

McGonagall cleared her throat before beginning down the long scroll.

"Alman, Violetta." A tall, freckled girl broke away from the crowd and hurried toward the hat, her shoulders hunched defensively. With shaking hands she placed the hat over her head, and the entire hall waited in silence.

"Ravenclaw!" The girl jumped up and spun around, disoriented. Lily gave her an encouraging smile before pointing her toward the cheering Ravenclaw table. The crowd settled down again as "Aubrey, Bertram" was sorted into Slytherin, but broke into roaring laughter when "Barbary, Heathcote" dashed toward Hufflepuff with the hat still on his head. James reached over and snatched it as he scurried past, grinning at the boy's embarrassment. After that, the First years caught on, and only needed a push towards the right table in order figure out where they were going. James continued to cheer for every student that was sorted into Gryffindor despite the menacing glares Lily was directing his way. The Heads were supposed to represent the entire school, not just Gryffindor! When "Zabini, Cecilia" sat down among the Slytherins and McGonagall had whisked away the hat and stool, Lily headed back toward her seat, James close on her heels. Once they'd seated themselves, Dumbledore stood up and surveyed the crowd.

"It looks as though we have a another marvelous batch of students this year!" He boomed, candlelight from the walls glinting off of his spectacles. And with that, he launched into his annual speech, warning them against trying their luck in the Forbidden Forest, and relaying the words of the new caretaker, Argus Filch, a slimy looking young man who'd only taken up residence in the castle at the end of last year. He finished off with a speech about the importance of individuals from different houses uniting even while polarizing forces were materializing outside the castle, and Lily was proud to think that it was similar to the one she'd given as her welcome speech to the Prefects.

Finally, Black stood up and put his wand to his throat, spreading silence across the room like a plague. "With all due respect sir, if the feast doesn't start soon, I'm going to have to eat a First year." Some of the First years sitting nearby froze nervously, and heads all over the hall swiveled to stare in shock at Sirius, who was now slowly sinking back into his place next to James. Professor McGonagall's mouth tightened into a hard line, and she looked as if she were about to tell him off when Dumbledore chuckled, his eyes gleaming.

"Well then, in order to protect our new students from the ravenous appetite of Mr. Black, it seems as though we have no other option than to let the feast begin!" With that mounds of food appeared on the silver platters distributed across the tables, and Lily's stomach gave a grateful growl. The Pumpkin Pasty she'd eaten earlier seemed like ages ago.

They all dug in, shoving everything within reach into their mouths and washing it down with ice cold Pumpkin Juice. Lily took Jasper back from Emma, and placed some turkey breast on the bench beside her for him to eat. The cat settled into a ball beside her, a warm purr emanating from his throat while he devoured the meat. Lily pretended not to notice as a small blonde boy continued to sneak Jasper tidbits even after he'd finished his turkey. When everyone looked dazedly full, the plates cleared, leaving behind shining silver platters. Lily climbed awkwardly out from her spot and began to circulate around the room, tapping Prefects on their shoulders and instructing them to go to Professor McGonagall for passwords to their common rooms. James, she noticed with annoyance, remained seated, instead laughing jovially with his friends as she did the work. When students began trooping out of the Great Hall behind their respective prefects, she approached James, who was still sitting with his mates.

"We need to find our Common Room now," she said, standing awkwardly behind him as his friends stared up at her, amused.

"Common Room?" Sirius leaned towards James eagerly, "You mean you and Lilykins are going to be living together?" Remus shook his head, ignoring the implications that were easily apparent in Sirius' voice

"They'll have separate bedrooms of course. The whole idea is to foster partnership between the Heads, as well as providing them with individual work spaces." Lily laid a hand on his back gratefully, and James pushed himself up from the table suddenly, his hands clenched into fists on the table.

"We really ought to go find it... our only information is that it's behind a portrait of some guy and his dog." He started toward the wide double doors, but Lily grabbed him before he could burst through.

"Hold on, I need to find my cat." She dashed off in the direction of where she'd sat, and finding the entire row empty glanced frantically around, eyes searching for his bushy black body. At last she spotted his tail, waving from the arms of the first year who'd been feeding him.

"Excuse me," she said politely, "but I believe you've got my cat." The boy's eyes widened with fear and he quickly handed his new friend over.

"I- I was looking for you, but then you were gone, and I didn't know what to do with--" he looked at the cat who now lounged in her arms, his eyes half closed in delight as she petted him absentmindedly.

"Jasper," Lily supplied, feeling her self soften towards the boy. "And don't worry about it. You're welcome to play with him." He gave her a last smile before noticing that the other first years were already headed toward the door and scampered away, stuttering a thank you over his shoulder. By now the Great Hall had almost completely emptied, and Lily rejoined James by the grand double doors that led into the Entrance Hall. From the corner of her eye, she caught a flurry of motion as he shoved what looked like a piece of parchment back into his robes.

"I have a pretty good hunch as to where it is, so why not you let me lead the way?" He swept an arm in the direction of one of the moving staircases that led towards the Owlery. Lily hesitated for a moment before following him up the steep stairs. She'd been expecting him to stop at one of the floors the staircase adjoined with, but instead he kept climbing higher and higher.

"James," she puffed as they neared the entrance to the Owlery, "are you sure you know where it is? Before at the table you said--" But James had already slipped inside the rounded door and begun climbing the winding stairs that led to the top.

"If this is some kind of joke..." She called up to him, feeling her irritation grow. Her eyes drifted to the off white of her sneakers as they poked out from under her robes with every step. She'd never liked it up here-- heights made her head spin uncomfortably.

"There aren't any paintings up here..." she heard James mumble from ahead. His footsteps paused briefly in the nearest landing. Was it just her, or did he actually sound disappointed?

Finally, she tore her eyes up from her sneakers and looked around for herself. Indeed, the walls were bare, for great, arching windows took up most of them. She caught a brief glimpse of the moon glimmering over the lake, and the tiny dark trees waving down below before her knees buckled, and she let her back slide down along the wall.

"Lily?" She felt a woosh of air as James knelt down beside her, but she kept her eyes firmly closed. "Lily, are you alright?" He pressed his fingers against her forehead, and they felt warm against her skin. "Well you certainly don't have a fever," he remarked, his voice beginning to relax.

"Heights don't.... agree with me," she said at last, allowing her eyes to flutter open but keeping them pasted to the tiled floor, her hands petting Jasper mechanically. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a bright flush had stained James' cheeks.

"No wonder you never flew--" he started but Lily cut him off.

"What's that?" She asked pointing to what looked like a black triangle protruding from under James' sneaker.

"Huh?" he asked, rising from his kneeling position and stepping backwards. A mosaic was carved into the ground, of a hunter with a plumed hat perched upon his head. A spotted hound reached up with its long nose to nuzzle his cheek. "Oh the portrait! I was expecting it to be on the wall!" He pulled out his wand, and without much ado tapped the largest spot three times. The hound turned to look at them, a wolfish smile curling on its greasy black lips before it turned and raced into the distance. When it reached the horizon, it circled three times, and a molded wooden handle stuck up from the ground. Lily could just make out the pattern of a hound chasing a rabbit, until curly golden words appeared on its surface. She leaned forward to read it and caught the words "The Head's Den."

"Shall I?" James asked, turning to Lily. She nodded, curious to see what would happen. He reached over and firmly grasped the handle before pulling it upwards. The entire mosaic lifted smoothly from the floor, leaving in its wake a tightly spiraling staircase covered in plush red carpeting. With a last grin at Lily, James stepped down onto the stairs and disappeared out of view.

Feeling slightly rejuvenated by the discovery, Lily scooted forward and let her feet dangle into the hole before following in his footsteps. The staircase only did one narrow spiral before leading to a tiny room where two bold black hooks clung to the dark red wall, and a large circular hole in the wall gave her a glimpse of her new living space. Lily slipped through and found herself bombarded with the colors red and gold. James stood in the corner, where his head was only inches from the ceiling, inspecting a squat bookshelf. Two couches were huddled around a blazing fire, and a gleaming mahogany desk stood in the corner, with a matching chair tucked underneath it. Lily was surprised to find that despite the fact that it had no windows, the room didn't seem stifling, but cozy. On the wall farthest to the entrance, were two gleaming wooden doors. Lily's name was sprawled across one in feminine, curly handwriting, while James' name marched across his door in bold, blocky letters.

She swung open the door to find a light, airy room with one huge window taking up the entire back wall. A window seat stretched along the length of it, and billowing curtains made it appear closed in and private. Lily eyed the window warily from across the room, knowing full well that she wouldn't be using the window seat anytime soon. Her bed had been lifted off the ground loft style, and a desk that matched the one outside filled up the space underneath it. She spotted her trunk at the end of the bed, along with a set of stainless steel dishes, one filled with water, and the other cat food.

"You're going to be a fat cat by the time we go back for Winter break," Lily told Jasper, letting him down so he could explore on his own. Another door led to a little bathroom with glossy white tiles and a cubby for her things. Fluffy towels lined the walls, and a quaint little shower occupied one corner. There was even a sea-green litter box plopped next to the shower, and she wondered faintly if she would have to clean it, or if the house elves would do it for her.

Lily returned to the Common room to find that James had disappeared, probably into his own room. She was dying to take a peek, but didn't want to appear too curious, so instead she settled with laying all of her school things neatly on the desk, and filling in the many spaces with extra quills and her school books. Jasper jumped up, scattering the feathered quills across the desk and batting at Lily's hair whenever it came within reach. Suddenly the door wooshed open, and James' messy black head poked in.

"Wow Lils, this is fantastic!" He bounded in fully and headed straight for the window seat, peering out enthusiastically. "I don't have a window like this, but I do have a balcony. Perfect for moonlight broom rides, eh?" Lily blanched.

"Yes, great idea. Shove the girl who is terrified of heights on a broom with James Potter." She crossed her arms, annoyed that he even felt he had the right to make such a suggestion. James seemed not to hear her, and instead of responding peeked his head in the bathroom and gave a low whistle.

"A litter box and everything! You mind if I use it once in awhile? Green is my favorite color." He caught her eye and grinned expectantly, his face falling slightly when her expression registered with him. "Awh come on, I was just kidding around."

Perhaps if it had been Emma making the joke she would've laughed, but Lily had suffered for too many years because of what James considered funny, and she wasn't about to forgive him just because they were forced to share living quarters.

"I think we need to lay down some boundaries, if we're going to be living together." She said firmly, sitting down in her desk chair and folding her hands professionally. "Number one-- no entering each other's rooms without knocking or asking permission first." She looked pointedly at the door he'd burst in through, and he flushed.

"Sorry Lil, I was just-" He started, but she held out a hand and continued on with her list.

"Number two-- we can only have friends here if we both agree that they can come in. It isn't like the password changes every week. Once people know how to get in here, they'll always have access. And number three-- Ten o' clock is quiet time in the Common room."

"It's only fair that if you can make up rules, I can too. If you want any of those to apply, then you have to agree to my one rule." He asserted, his hazel eyes glinting gold in his tanned face. His expression was completely serious now, and it contrasted with the way his hair stuck up in wild directions.

"Which is...?" Lily asked, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. He _would _turn it into a negotiation.

"I reserve the right to steal you away from your work if I feel that you're working yourself too hard." She searched him for any sign of joking, but his body was tense and rigid as he waited for her reaction.

"Alright," she said at last. His eyes widened with surprise before she continued, "I'll just have to make sure I get out enough. And not necessarily with you."

His body slumped as he let out a long breath. "Whatever makes you happy," he muttered as he headed towards the door. Lily felt a brief pang of regret as he closed the door softly behind him, but she quickly shook it off. James Potter didn't deserve pity.


	4. Potions and Passions

Disclaimer: None of the characters or settings belongs to me.

The next morning, Lily rose with the sun. As soon as it'd mounted the hills and its rays reached her face, her eyes had flickered open to meet it. Jasper was asleep in a patch of sunlight on the window seat. She pushed herself out of her warm bed, her skin prickling against the chilly early morning air, and crossed to her trunk, pulling out clothes to wear under her robes. After running a brush through her long red hair and gathering her books, she pulled open the door, ready to head down to breakfast. Jasper's head flew up as she stepped into the Common room and he slipped out behind her, twining around her ankles.

Lily paused as the sight of James' open door caught her eye. _I really shouldn't... _she thought even as her feet pulled her towards it. She leaned forward, craning her neck to see through the crack and into James' room. The sight of his sleeping form met her gaze and her stomach clenched at the sight of his bare, muscular chest. He was curled up on his side, his handsome face oddly bare without his glasses. A bicep twitched, and then he rolled over onto his stomach, mumbling incoherently. Blood flooded Lily's cheeks and she tore her eyes away from him, instead focusing on his room. His walls were painted a deep, midnight blue, and on the ceiling tiny dots shone like stars as they revolved around a crescent moon.

James hadn't been lying when he said he didn't have a window seat like hers- instead, one whole wall had been turned into a window, the only break in the glass a groove that marked where a door led out to the balcony. Lily's head spun as her gaze travelled down to where the sun was just touching the forest.

Shaking her head to clear it, she forced herself away from the door, and instead made her way through the hole to the narrow, winding stairs, and finally though the trap door. The tower was flooded with early morning light, and Lily kept her eyes glued to her feet as she padded down the stairs, afraid of accidentally catching a glimpse out of a window.

She waited impatiently as the moving staircases rearranged themselves, and laughed as Jasper stared in horror, his tail bristling into a scrub brush as one readjusted itself, causing the wood to groan and tremble.

At last the staircases were aligned correctly, so Lily scooped up Jasper and trotted down the stairs, doing circuit after circuit until at last she'd reached the Great Hall. It was early enough that only one or two students had already arrived, and those who had were staring sleepily into their food. Lily sat down on the hard bench, and Jasper jumped up next to her, licking his chops hungrily as she removed the cover of her platter to find sausage, eggs and toast. The table was empty, so Lily pulled out her Transfiguration book and began to read up on the theory of animating inanimate objects, all the while automatically forking bits of food into her mouth.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, students began to trickle in, joining their early rising friends. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were the first ones to sit down at the Gryffindor table, and they were much too occupied in whispering to each other notice Lily's presence. Of course, their conversation was far more interesting than her Transfiguration book, so without meaning to, she kept catching snatches of their chatter.

"...It'll be harder now... if Remus can do that reflecting charm then... poor Sluggy won't know..." Their heads were bent inwards towards one another, and they seemed completely oblivious to the world. At last Peter became aware of her presence, nudging James and pointing out Lily at the end of the table. James' head immediately shot up, and his gaze flew to where Lily was sitting. She flushed, reminded of the sight of his bare chest, and ducked her head closer to her book.

The sight of Lily seemed to jog Sirius' memory and he grinned widely. "So Prongs, how was your sleep last night?" He asked loudly, cocking his head to one side innocently. Lily forked some egg into her mouth, trying to ignore the obvious jibe. Thankfully James didn't pick up on the insinuation and instead launched into a full-blown description of "the Head's Den."

Lily had just rose to her feet, about to go get her schedule from Professor McGonagall, when Alice wandered in, her hair mussed and dark circles underneath her eyes. She plopped down next to Lily and slowly uncovered her breakfast. "So how was it?" She croaked through a bite of sausage.

"Absolutely beautiful, especially for someone who doesn't mind heights. You'll have to come visit the next time we get a spare moment," Lily told her.

"And the prat?" She glanced towards the foursome, whose heads were again bent in a circle.

"Overly enthusiastic. Apparently he has a balcony, and the first thing he did was invite me on a 'moonlight broom ride.'"

"You should've told him yes, but only if he gave you his broomstick afterwards. He has the most beautiful broom I've ever seen... a Nimbus 1001. Costs a fortune, but god can it fly!" Lily rested her head in her arms as Alice launched into the history of the Nimbus Racing Broom Company, her previous tiredness apparently forgotten. Finally, Lily pushed her head up and swung her legs out from under the table, deaf to Alice's complaints that she wasn't listening.

"Want me to pick up your schedule for you?" She called absentmindedly, already heading towards where Professor McGonagall was handing them out. Alice shook her head exasperatedly at Lily's back before scooting over to where James sat to ask him about practice schedules for Quidditch that year.

Professor McGonagall greeted Lily with all the warmth she was capable of- even going as far as to ask what she'd thought of "the Head Den." Lily's previous Quidditch induced stupor vanished, and she happily described her delight with the short little Common room and her own adjoining rooms.

"I have to admit," said Professor McGonagall, leaning in confidentially, "I am quite pleased to hear that. Professor Slughorn and I had the longest battle over which sort of Common room you and James would prefer, and he only gave in because you're both students in my house. I'll be sure to let him know how much you fancy it." The corners of her lips curled slightly, and she handed Lily a stack of schedules, but by the time she'd turned to the next student in line, the smile had vanished.

Lily ambled over to where Alice sat, flipping through the schedules she'd been handed and noticing that McGonagall had given her the Marauders' as well. It seemed as though living with one of them meant that she was friends with all of them. She sat down with a sigh and distributed the schedules before glancing over her own. Advanced Charms was set for first thing in the morning on Mondays, followed by Advanced Potions after lunch. Tuesday was going to be busy- Defense Against the Dark Arts, Arithmancy, and Advanced Herbology. Then History of Magic and Care of Magical Creatures Wednesday, followed by Advanced Transfiguration and Healing Theory on Thursday. Friday, thankfully, she had only Astronomy, and that took place late at night.

"Well," she stood and pulled her bag across her shoulders, "I ought to be getting to Charms. See you all later." She turned and headed towards the door, her mind already intent on reviewing the information she'd picked up over the summer. The sound of sneakers slapping against the pavement jarred her out of her thoughts, and she turned to see Remus hurrying towards her.

"I have Advanced Charms as well. Care to walk with me?" He asked politely, holding out a hand to take her bag.

"You're welcome to walk with me, but I'll keep my things. You look tired enough as it is." Indeed, his face was pale and drawn, and bags uncharacteristic of his years hung under his eyes. "Are you getting enough sleep?" She asked, looking at him curiously.

"I'm fine. I just always get nervous about coming back to school... it throws me off." Lily smiled sympathetically at him, wondering who in the world would feel nervous about returning to Hogwarts.

"You must have it pretty good at home then, huh?" They were walking in step now, and she swung her gaze up to meet his. Remus' mouth tightened before he answered.

"My mum... she's great. Really supportive. My da tries." He fiddled with the neck of his sweater, obviously uncomfortable. Lily laughed shortly.

"It's the opposite in my house. I mean, my mum loves me, but it's my dad who really encouraged me to come. They're both muggles." They'd reached the Charms classroom now, and Lily stretched out a hand to open the heavy door, holding it as Remus slipped through. They took their seats towards the front of the classroom, talking quietly and seriously about home until the professor entered, letting the door slam shut behind him. Then Lily was all attention, her quill placed neatly before her and a roll of parchment waiting ready for notes.

The rest of the day passed in much the same manner, with Lily practicing incantations, scribbling notes, and answering questions. The extra reading she'd done over the summer had served her well, and she performed the tasks assigned her easily. Not that they were especially difficult, as it was only the first day.

James joined Remus and Lily for Advanced Potions, so Lily was forced to sit next to a sour looking Ravenclaw who surveyed her with pursed lips before turning back to the scaled journal she'd previously been scribbling furiously in. Lily had given the side of her face a weak smile before pretending to be absorbed by organizing her quill and parchment on the desk.

Slughorn swept into the room a few minutes late, his gaze flowing across his students. He paused when he got to Lily, and he smiled jovially.

"Oh-ho, Lily dear! I'd hoped you'd be joining me again," he said, ignoring the other students.

"Of course, professor. If I want to become an Auror, I need two years of Advanced potions." She smiled up at him, pulling her hair away from the back of her neck and gathering it into a ponytail as she spoke. Behind her, James paused mid-whisper, his gaze intent on the creamy skin of her neck. Remus rolled his eyes before shoving an elbow into his friend's side to jolt him into speech again.

"And a fine Auror you'd make too. We need more Aurors who can make a perfect batch of veritaserum as well as you can!" Slughorn beamed down at her, unaware of the venomous glare Lily was receiving from the Ravenclaw beside her.

Lily's cheeks reddened at the praise, and she sighed with relief when Slughorn turned to the board to scratch out "Spelled Glass" followed by a list of ingredients, and the Ravenclaw turned back to her journal. After that, she settled into the rhythm that potions always provided her- the easy pattern of chopping, stirring, and waiting. Occasionally she would deviate from the instructions in the book, using shortcuts that Severus had taught her.

_Back when we were friends, _she thought, her throat clenching at the thought. Across the room, Severus was hunched over his cauldron. Lily could already see the silvery vapors that were supposed to form after thirty minutes wafting out of it. She shook her head. Severus always had been the best in potions.

Feeling her gaze on his face, he looked up. For a moment, black eyes met green and a look of longing crossed Severus' face. Lily looked down to where her fingers had twined together in her lap. She wouldn't forget the evenings they'd spent down by the lake, watching the shadows grow, or the countless times he'd defended her to Petunia, but she just couldn't forgive the hurtful words. Or the group that he now belonged to. _Mudbloods and Deatheaters can't be friends, _she thought at him, _it was your choice that ruined our friendship, not mine. _

It was with great relief that she scooped up a sample of her potion and carried it to Professor Slughorn's desk at the end of the class.

"Perfect as always," he boomed, tilting the small vial and admiring the way the light caught the crystalline shards that'd formed inside it. He set it beside an elegant glass bowl that held a fish.

Lily gave him a genuine smile before heading for the door. She had just reached the stairs when James bounded up to her, a small vial clenched in his hand.

"You forgot to give Slughorn your sample," she told him pointing to the vial.

James chuckled. "Right," he said, and slipped it into his pocket. "I'll give it to him later. I'm sure he won't mind, as it's _me _after all."

Lily rolled her eyes. "What could you want with a glass potion?"

"That, my dear, is for me to know, and you to wonder." He reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes and the muscle in his arm swelled.

Red stained Lily's cheeks, and she shook her head, furious with herself for noticing. So what if his shoulders filled out his uniform nicely? If the sharp angle of his jaw made her want to run her finger along it? He was an arrogant arse, and she wanted nothing to do with him.

Suddenly angry, she stomped up the stairs, leaving him to watch her retreating form from the stairwell. "What did I do?" He asked quietly as she disappeared from sight. It didn't matter that she couldn't hear him. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?"


	5. Mirrors and Mistakes

Disclaimer: I own none of this, promise.

A/N- I redid the ending of this chapter and toned down Lily's anger, as well as giving her more of a reason to be mad in the first place.

The next day Lily did her best to ignore James completely. Instead, she went through the day in a daze, her mind set to working on the complicated Arithmancy problem the professor had assigned them. She had almost solved it as she wandered into the Great Hall and slid onto the bench next to Alice.

If Alice noticed that her friend was hardly listening as she recounted how horribly Quidditch tryouts had gone that morning, she didn't comment. She was used to Lily's quiet spells, and so instead of trying to draw her friend out of her thoughts, she simply continued on complaining about the awful fourth year that James had chosen as Chaser.

Only a few feet down the bench, James was covering the same topic with his friends, regaling them with imitations of fantastic misses and dives that hadn't come out well. Every few moments, he'd pause to rip off a bite of his sandwich before launching into another spirited tale. He had captured most of the table's attention with his antics, and even Lily was having trouble keeping her eyes on her meal. Peter had no such qualms, and was staring up at James with eyes full of admiration, his chin quivery with glee whenever his friend included him in a demonstration.

After her classes had finished for the day, Lily headed toward the Great Hall, where she had last seen Jasper during lunch. Lately while she was in class, he'd been begging snacks from the students who had free periods. She found the cat hunched over a large piece of ham and scooped him up, deaf to the protests of the fifth year Hufflepuffs that'd befriended him.

"Sorry, sorry," she muttered, clutching the cat closer and sweeping out of the hall. Her mind, which had long since solved the Arithmancy problem, had moved onto the other work awaiting her in the Head Den. She had finished her transfiguration essay yesterday afternoon, and had already sketched out the diagram detailing the difference between a werewolf and regular wolf for Defense Against the Dark Arts, so that only left her with the Herbology assignment- to read up on how to correctly pot a Sniffle Plant.

She was just trying to remember where she'd left her Herbology book, _Poisonous Plants and Healing Herbs_, when the sight of James Potter leaning over a small Slytherin boy interrupted her thoughts.

As she neared, she realized that it was Vindictus- the pimply boy who'd rode the train with them. Anger filled her as she marched nearer, ready to put an end to the bullying. She blinked when she realized that she didn't just feel angry, she also was... disappointed? _But why would I feel disappointed? _She asked herself. _Just because he's seemed more mature lately doesn't mean he's turned into a good person. You knew that. _

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she was almost beside them when she realized that James wasn't bullying Vindictus, but talking quietly with him. Relief swirled through her, soon to be replaced by curiosity. _What could he want with a Slytherin?_

Luckily, Potter was leaning casually against the wall with his back towards Lily, and Vindictus was far too caught up in the conversation to notice her.

"We need it by Friday," Potter said quietly. "I thought Peter said you're _good _at things like this."

"I am good!" Vindictus protested. "This is a difficult case. But I should be able to get it to you Friday."

James leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Meet me in the Owlery after dinner. I'll have your reward."

Vindictus nodded and then scampered off down the hallway, his shoulders sagging with relief. Potter adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder and then turned to go. His hazel eyes widened in surprise as he found himself face to face with Lily. They were close enough that he could see specks of gold in her wide green eyes and a smattering of freckles across her delicate nose. The smell of honey suckles swept over him as he took a deep breath.

"Lily-" He started, voice hoarse with surprise at their close proximity.

She cut him off. "I don't know what you're up to, Potter." She spat out his name like it was a curse. "But I'm not going to let you get away with it." She spun away from him, her fiery hair swinging over her delicate shoulders like a curtain and marched off down the hallway.

James shook his head, amused. "Good luck," he called to her.

That night, Lily was curled up in a squashy armchair by the fire with her Herbology book propped against the arm of the chair and Jasper purring in her lap, when James tromped down the stairs and headed for the chair next to hers. A black velvet bag swung from his fist, and as soon as he'd settled he pulled out what looked like a wooden paddle.

Lily looked up at the object, curiosity piqued by its strange shape. She was dying to ask him what it was, but instead she swallowed her question and turned back to her book. From the corner of her eye, she watched as James pulled out a knife and began whittling spirals into the unfinished wood.

"Why don't you just use your wand?" She asked at last, unable to resist.

James shrugged. "It's hard to get it right with my wand; I always cut too deep. It's easier to use a knife." He continued shaping the handle. Lily found herself admiring the way his large, square fingers handled the tiny knife as he cut away slivers of wood. His hair fell across his forehead as he leaned forward to focus, shadowing his hazel eyes.

"Why don't you leave it as it is?"

Again, James shrugged. "I already did the other one, and it'd look funny if they didn't match." He pulled out a second paddle and tossed it to Lily. She ran her fingers over the spiraling handle, and then flipped it over to admire the artistic swirls he'd carved into the back of it. This one had been spelled to look like finished mahogany, rather than the cheap wood James was really working with.

"What are you going to use them for?" Lily asked, imagining James and his friends playing some sort of paddleball with these odd, fancy paddles.

"That's for me to know and you to wonder," he said, grinning jauntily at her. Lily was struck by how handsome he looked when he smiled- with his strong jaw, high cheekbones and straight white teeth. He had to be the only boy that could look _good_ with glasses.

Instead of voicing those thoughts out loud, Lily shook her head. "That's your favorite phrase, isn't it?"

"I do find it adds an air of mystery to my persona," James joked. Lily "hmphed" in response, and turned her attention to her reading, sorry now that she'd given in to her curiosity. Jasper's purr grew as she used her free hand to smooth his long, thick coat.

When Lily had turned the last page of the chapter, she shut the book with a snap. Jasper jumped off of her lap and turned reproachful eyes towards her as she stood.

"I'm going to bed," she told the cat. "Come if you wish, but I'm not leaving the door open for you." Jasper swished his tail at her before padding over to James and hopping up into his lap. She scowled at him.

"I'd love to come to bed with you, Lily, but I just don't think we're there yet in our relationship. Besides, if I wanted to come in I could just open the door with my opposable thumbs," James wiggled his thumb at her while he used his other hand to stroke Jasper's head.

Lily's cheeks reddened at the insinuation. "I wasn't talking to you, dolt. I was talking to Jasper. I wouldn't ask you to sleep with me in a million years!"

"Sure, sure," said James amiably.

Lily made a noise of disgust before stomping to her room and slamming the door behind her. A few minutes later though, it cracked open a few inches- just enough room for a cat to wedge a paw in if he wanted to come in. James grinned, knowing she'd felt bad for abandoning Jasper.

After Lily had pulled on her tattered pajamas, she snuggled into her covers. Now that she was alone, she could focus on the questions that she'd really been dying to ask. What was James Potter up to? So far all she knew was that he'd stolen a vial of glass potion, was carving mysterious wooden paddles, and that Vindictus had something he wanted.

None of it was strictly against the rules- other than taking a potion out of Potions class without permission. But even that wouldn't earn him a detention... only a stern talking to. And Slughorn probably would have given James permission if he'd asked, as James was one of his favorites.

But still! None of it added up. The best clue she had was that he needed glass potion for something, but she couldn't imagine how that would be good for pranks. She'd studied the potion in preparation for her O.W.L.s and knew that it was mainly used for creating things like enchanted cups and mirrors. In the most famous case, a pair of magical slippers had been shaped from it. He hadn't even had enough of the stuff to make anything large enough to be harmful.

Her thoughts grew hazy as she slowly drifted off to sleep, still no closer to unraveling the mystery than she had been when she started.

The next day Lily woke early so that she could sit and watch Gryffindor's first Quidditch practice while eating breakfast. Yesterday, she'd promised Alice that she would come watch- she still enjoyed the game even though she was terrified of getting on a broomstick.

She pulled on her worn white sneakers and grabbed her muggle binoculars from where she'd slung them on her chair. She was too afraid to climb all the way up in the stands, and it was difficult to see without them.

Outside, the day was already turning beautiful. The sun had finally climbed above the mountains and now was warming the early morning air. On the pitch, she could just make out figures in brilliant crimson robes zooming between goalposts and stands as they warmed up.

Peering through her binoculars, Lily watched as James gathered the team around him. His face was serious as he lectured them. In the front of the group, she could see Alice listening carefully to his words, occasionally bobbing in the air as she changed her grip on her broom and bat.

The only time James Potter was ever completely serious, Lily decided, was when he was on the Quidditch pitch. She watched as he put the team through its paces, running them through passing and flying drills. Then he honed in on the Seeker, pulling out the old snitch he'd captured years before to use in practice runs.

Lily lounged in the dewy grass until all of the players had landed and disappeared into the building to shower and change before their classes. Alice waved at her as she passed, a large, Quidditch induced grin spread across her face. Lily had Care of Magical Creatures first, so there was no use going back inside. Instead, she wandered over to the hut where Hagrid, the young gamekeeper lived.

"Hullo Hagrid," she called as she approached. Hagrid was in his garden, carefully placing large, pale seeds in the ground. The Forbidden Forest loomed behind his back until he stood, making the trees seem many times smaller.

"Lily!" he said with delight, wiping his hands on oversized pants. "'Ow're you? I met that cat a' yours the other day. Charmin' fellow."

Lily smiled. "It seems like he already knows everyone." They talked until Lily spotted the Care of Magical Creatures professor striding down to the grounds from the castle. She bade Hagrid farewell and rushed to meet Professor Kettleburn, eager to show him her sketch.

Care of Magical Creatures was particularly interesting that day. Because all of the students were in their seventh year, Kettleburn had been granted permission to take them into the forest in search of the werewolf footprints he had preserved from the full moon three weeks before.

At first all of the students stayed bunched in a group, whispering among themselves and casting nervous glances into the dark gaps between the trees. Lily's neck prickled with fear when she found herself at the back of the group.

Up ahead, Potter's tousled head poked above the crowd. Both he and Sirius looked as cool as ever, with their broad shoulders relaxed and their arms swinging at their sides. Occasionally Black would crack a joke, spurring laughter from James that rang through the quiet forest. Even Peter looked more confident than most of the other students. Lily shook her head. _Stupid, overconfident Marauders._ It wasn't cool to be unafraid of the forest. Places like this demanded respect, and people who didn't give it got hurt. Or devoured by a werewolf.

James was the first person to find a werewolf print, and he easily pointed out how the deep claw marks and narrow paws distinguished it from a regular wolf or dog. Sirius whispered something in James' ear as they straightened, and the two boys exchanged knowing smiles. Lily rolled her eyes. Those two were always putting on an act. She was sure that if Remus were here, he wouldn't be laughing. He was the only one of the Marauders that had any sense. Sadly, Remus had opted out of taking Care of Magical Creatures; it was one of the few classes that they didn't share.

By the time the class had emerged back into the sunshine, the students had split back into their usual groups- Slytherins with Slytherins, Gyrffindors with Gryffindors, and so on. Lily trailed the Marauder pack, absentmindedly twining a red lock of hair around her finger as she went through all of the information she'd just learned in her head. She didn't even notice to thank James as he held the door for her, which earned her a cool sneer from Sirius.

James and Sirius happened to be going the same way as Lily as she made her way to History of Magic, but after she caught a snatch of their conversation and realized they were on their way to "leave Moaning Myrtle love notes," she did her best to tune them out. It wasn't like she could take points from them for leading a ghost on.

_Although _she thought after she'd split off from them and plopped down in her seat, _Myrtle really could get her feelings hurt. _She resolved to speak with James about it that night in the Head's Den.

The rest of the day passed quickly for Lily. She sat through History of Magic, dutifully noting down everything Professor Binns said (she was one of the few students who could resist the urge to sleep through his class), ate grilled cheese sandwiches with Alice for lunch, and then headed up to the Head Den with her best friend in tow.

"You won't believe it," Lily told Alice as they wound their way up the Owlery tower. "It's probably the most brilliant set of rooms I've seen." She tapped the hound's spot, and watched as he bounded into the distance. Then she pulled open the trapdoor, impatient to show her friend her room.

"Holy Hippogriffs, this is incredible!" said Alice as they stepped through the round hole and into the common room. "I feel as though I'm in a hobbit hole!"

Lily grinned at the reference- she'd lent Alice The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien a few years before and it had become one of her friend's favorites. "I hadn't thought of that," she said, looking at the room with new appreciation. Alice paused frequently as they made their way toward Lily's room, reading the titles of books and fondling trinkets. She laughed out loud when she found a squat paperweight in the shape of a gnome that had real hair growing from its chin. Lily wondered if Professor McGonagall had picked it out specifically for her and James.

At last Alice reached Lily's door. "Lily Evans," she read aloud, and pulled it open. For a moment she paused, eyes wide, and then a low "Brilliant!" escaped her throat. She rushed over to the window seat, where the afternoon sun cast golden light on the grounds.

Lilly sat gingerly next to Alice, trying not to look down. It seemed to help if she pretended she was looking a portrait of the landscape, instead of the real thing. _You can't tumble into a portrait and fall to your death, _she thought with a grin.

As Alice chattered on about how easy it'd be to _evanesco_ the glass and _accio _a broomstick to go for a midnight broom ride, Lily began to relax. She slowly let her eyes wander over more and more of the ground below, her body alert for any dizziness. _It wouldn't be good to get dizzy and fall through the glass... _This thought brought on an immediate wave of dizziness, and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

"Are you alright?" asked Alice, noticing her friend's expression.

Lily sighed. "For some reason I just can't handle heights." She brushed her hair away from her suddenly sweaty forehead.

"Right! I'm so sorry, I forgot!" Alice jumped up and pulled Lily away from the window seat.

Lily chuckled weakly. "It isn't a big deal. I need to get over it. I mean what if I have to duel on top of a tower one day?"

Alice shrugged and towed Lily toward the door. "What are the chances of that? Anyway, come on! I want to see James' room!"

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. "We can't go in there!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "You're always so worried about the rules. Relax, Lils. James won't care if we check it out."

"I don't know," she said, remembering how she'd been the one to tell him they couldn't come in each other's rooms without permission. Alice dragged her on, no longer listening to Lily's protests.

As soon as she'd made it across the threshold, Alice hurried to swing open the glass balcony door, her eyes on the view beyond. Lily hung back, trying hard not to look at the pair of crumpled boxers that lay on the floor. To keep her eyes busy, she wandered towards James' desk to eye the many photos that lined it. A picture of his parents caught her eye, and she picked it up. She had never considered the fact that James had a family.

His mother had pretty brown hair that fell to her shoulders in waves, and kind brown eyes that peered out from behind round spectacles. She could just make out James' straight nose and brow line in her features. His dad was tall and fit, with short black hair and hazel eyes. Lily wondered if his hair was as messy as James' was when it was long, and she smiled at the thought. She could see more of a resemblance to James in this man- with his strong jaw line and high cheekbones. The couple waved and smiled as she looked at them.

She carefully replaced the picture, and then turned to a framed picture of him and Sirius. In it, the two young boys were standing on a sweeping lawn in front a huge manor house. James wore a cone shaped birthday hat, and pieces of confetti were stuck in Sirius' hair. As Lily went to set the photo down, a piece of paper fluttered out from the back of the frame.

She bent hurriedly to pick it up, feeling as though James could burst in at any moment and demand what she was looking at. But as her eyes landed on the small square paper, she froze. Emerald green eyes looked up at her, framed by thick red curtains of hair. She picked up the picture carefully and found herself looking at... herself. In the photo, she was sitting near the lake, her worn white sneakers peeking out from her jeans. She could just see Alice's shoulder, but the picture had been cut so that she was the only one in it. Her picture self laughed, eyes glittering, face stretched in a wide, white smile.

Lily remembered that day... her and Alice had brought their lunch out to the lake last spring. It had been going well until the Giant Squid stole Alice's sandwich. She vaguely remembered seeing the Marauders as they trooped past, headed towards the forest, but for once she had ignored them and allowed herself to be swept up in the fun of the moment.

_And look what that got me, _she thought. _Stuck in James Potter's room in picture form. _A mixture of anger and confusion filled her. Anger that he'd taken his "crush" on her one step too far (it was one thing to ask her out a lot, a whole different thing to take secret photographs of her), and confusion because... wasn't it just that? A crush? The sort of thing that hit you hard for a little while, but then went away after you got rejected? For most of her Hogwarts career, she'd believed that his attention toward her was all part of some master Marauder prank. But the discovery of the photo made her question that. It didn't seem likely that James would keep pictures of a girl he planned on asking out and then dumping in his room.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs brought her crashing back down to earth. She shoved the picture back into the frame and dashed for the door. She had just slammed it behind her when James appeared in the round doorway.

"Lily?" he asked, hazel eyes confused. "Why are you leaning on my door?"

"Oh, uh," Lily forced out a breathy laugh. "Just catching my breath."

"Well can I get into my room then?"

"Actually, uh, Potter, I mean, James," her mind raced to think of an excuse. "Could you help me open my window?"

James still looked confused. "Yeah, sure I can. Let me just put this down-" He waved a hand that held the velvet bag and worn piece of parchment and started for his door. Lily stepped in front of him.

"Can you help me right now? Please? I... I would do it myself but I'm afraid of heights. And I really need some air."

His eyes softened as he noticed in the flush in her cheeks. "Of course I'll help you." He followed her into her room and then went to work on the window, laying his things carefully on the floor. Lily leaned against her bedpost, praying that Alice would catch on.

A few moments later, her ears caught the soft sound of James' door opening and then quiet footsteps going toward the staircase. She released a long breath, and her heart started to pump at a more normal rate.

"Is someone coming downstairs?" James asked suddenly.

Lily pretended to listen. "Yeah, it does sound like it," she said after a pause. James stopped working as footsteps approached Lily's room, and then the door swung open. Alice poked her head in.

"Hullo!" She said, a bright smile on her face. "Lily told me how to get into this place, so I thought I'd stop by for a tic."

James' eyes narrowed as he turned to Lily. "You told her how to get in?"

Lily smiled guiltily. "I was describing the rooms to her, and I guess I let the part about the hound slip..."

His eyes narrowed further. "Breaking your own rules, eh Evans? Fine, but that means I get to tell Sirius how to get in here."

Lily's own eyes widened in horror. "Sirius! Couldn't you tell Remus or something? Or even Peter? Sirius _hates_ me!"

James shook his head, face set. "No. You broke the rules, so I ought to be able to break them too. Don't be a hypocrite."

Lily flushed red with anger. "A hypocrite? Why, you're the biggest hypocrite I know! I don't bully kids smaller than me, just because they got sorted into the wrong house-"

"I haven't done that in years!" James protested, his face darkening as well.

Lily continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "-and you're so proud that your family is better than the 'inbred pureblood fanatics,' but discriminating against Slytherins isn't much better!"

"That isn't fair!" James roared. "All I ever am is nice to you, Lily, and this is how you repay me? Well then screw your bloody window!" He slammed it closed, shattering the glass and sending it tinkling to the floor, and stormed from the room, leaving a furious Lily and astonished Alice in his wake.

Lily breathed hard through her nose, feeling hot anger coursing through her veins. "You'd probably better go," she told Alice with as much calm as she could muster. Alice nodded meekly and slipped out of Lily's room, not wishing to be there when she exploded.

It wasn't until Lily had screamed into her pillow, brushed her teeth, and pulled on an over sized sleep shirt, that she calmed down enough to notice that James had left the worn piece of parchment and velvet bag in her room.

She climbed down from her loft and carefully crossed to the items- it wouldn't do to get glass in her feet- all the while trying to shove the niggling thoughts that she shouldn't look at them away. She _hated _James Potter, and she was going to do as she damn well _pleased. _

Once she'd carried the loot into her bed, she settled down to really look at it. First she opened up the velvet bag, and carefully slid out the paddle- the other paddle had disappeared. It felt heavier in her hand than it had last time, and when she flipped it over, her reflection stared back at her. So he'd turned it into a mirror! An enchanted mirror! That was what he'd wanted with the glass potion! She crowed in triumph as the puzzle pieces finally fell into place, her previous anger long forgotten.

But what did James want with a hand mirror? Was he really so conceited that he'd made it just so he could look at himself all the time? And why had he made two?

"This can't be serious," she said aloud. Of all the things he could've used that glass potion for, this was the last thing she'd expected. A flash of grey caught her gaze, and she looked down into Sirius Black's handsome face. For a moment, his expression was triumphant, even delighted. But then, as he realized who he was looking at, it changed.

"Lily Evans, why am I looking at you and not James?" He asked, his initial surprise already tamed and turned into cool boredom. Lily was so shocked that she dropped the mirror, recoiling from it when it landed on her mattress. Sirius chuckled darkly. "You said my name, didn't you?"

"N-no," she managed to get out. But then she thought back to what she _had _said. "Well, I-I did say serious, but I meant serious not Sirius." _Stupid, stupid Alice, _she thought, _for getting me into this mess. _Lily had already rationalized how all of this was Alice's fault, and was fully ready to pass the blame on to her.

Sirius' stormy grey eyes left her face and wandered around what he could see of her room. "Looks like you're close to the ceiling," he observed.

She picked up the mirror gingerly; ready to drop it again if it surprised her. "My bed is a loft," she said, voice dry. Just looking at Sirius made her annoyed.

He shook his head at her tone, and then paused, all color flooding from his face. "What's that?" he asked, his hand coming into view to point at James' piece of parchment, which she'd left sitting on the bed next to her.

"I don't know," she said, using her free hand to pick it up. "But it seems like you could tell me."

Sirius growled. "Don't touch it." Then, just as suddenly, the connection was severed and she was staring at herself again.

It must've only taken Sirius five minutes to run from the Gryffindor tower to the Owlery, because it was exactly five minutes after he'd hung up on her that he started pounding on the trap door, shouting for James to let him in.

She listened as Sirius frantically explained everything to James while they headed towards her door. _If they dare... _she thought as James tried the handle unsuccessfully. "If you come in here," she warned, "I'll never forgive you!" Her discarded jeans lay crumpled on the glass ridden floor below, and her wand sat on her desk underneath her.

"Lily," James said firmly. "I need my stuff back, and I know you have it. If you don't open up the door in ten seconds, Sirius and I are coming in."

"Oh shut up Prongs," said Sirius. She heard a ruffling sound, and then "_Alohomora_." Her door opened with a click.

"I can't believe you just did that! If you had just given me five minutes to pull on some _pants _I would've brought them to you!" Lily said, and lobbed the mirror towards James as he appeared. He caught it on reflex and advanced, palms held up in what looked like a peace offering. "I still need the parchment," he said, voice smooth.

"If you get any closer to me," she said, seething with anger and attempting to cover her knickers with the parchment, "I'm going to tear it up!" James stopped at that, and met Sirius' eyes, as if to consult him. Sirius shrugged. Suddenly, the parchment zoomed out of her hands and landed neatly in James' waiting palms. Lily silently cursed nonverbal spells and climbed down from her bed, trying to pull her night shirt tight around her thighs and avoid the glass at the same time.

"If you had just asked me, I would've given them to you, dungheads! But no, you'd rather invade my space and humiliate me!" She advanced on them, face as dark as a thundercloud. "Now out! Get out!" James wavered, mesmerized by the flashing anger in her green eyes, before scrambling out of the door behind Sirius. She slammed the door with all the strength she had and then sunk onto the floor, angrier than ever.

"Sorry mate. I think we just ruined your chances with her... she was spitting mad," she heard Sirius remark. Lily smiled. _Yes Sirius, I am spitting mad. And I'm not going to forget about this. _


	6. Cloaks and Kisses

Disclaimer- I don't own it, or claim to own it.

A/N- I'd appreciate feedback, if anyone out there wants to give it to me :) Also, in Lily's flashback I stole some of JK Rowling's words... Snape says "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy."

The next few weeks flew by as smoothly as a Nimbus 2001. Whenever Lily needed to communicate with James about Head duties or whatever else, she sent one of the prefects to relay her message. At times this seemed slightly ridiculous, especially because they spent most of their evenings sitting within feet of each other, but Lily had decided that anything was better than speaking to James.

The only real time she even looked at him was the Friday after their fight, when she snuck up to the Owlery to watch as James and Vindictus met. To her great disappointment, Vindictus merely handed James a folded piece of paper, and in return received a box of Ogden's Firewhisky. Lily considered emerging from her hiding place in the eaves to give them detentions, but decided against it at the last moment. It would be far more satisfying to get James in trouble when whatever he was up to finally emerged, than to nab him now when he was still in the early stages of planning. And, although Lily hated to admit it to herself, she didn't want James to know she cared so much about what he was up to.

Instead of worrying about the awkward silences that had become commonplace in the Head's Den, she let her natural studiousness take over. It was easy to think of nothing but the work in front of her when her professors were eager to drown them in homework. And when she wasn't studying, she was working on her fear of heights with Alice (they took to sitting in Lily's newly _reparo_-ed window seat most afternoons, talking as Lily studied the ground below), or talking about cats with Marlene McKinnon, or even venturing out onto the grounds to find Hagrid. Not to mention going to classes themselves and doing her hallway patrols, which occupied much of her time.

Her classes so far were _brilliant. _Even Care of Magical Creatures, which was usually an ace to pass was becoming more difficult as they ventured onto darker and more complicated creatures. History of Magic was the only class that continued to be as boring as ever- which made sense, as Professor Binns was still the same old Professor Binns.

The Marauder's first prank of the year made itself known as Lily was tromping towards Potions one Monday, her heavy bag slung over her shoulders. As she turned down the corridor, she heard a quiet sniggering behind her. At first she ignored it, but soon chuckles had broken out into outright laughter. She twisted around, indignant and angry, and the sight of a group of pants-less fourth year boys met her eyes. Her hands flew up to her mouth as she stared at them, trying to imagine what in the name of Godric Gryffindor had spurred them remove their pants.

For a confused moment, the fourth years laughed at her, and she tried her best to not laugh at _them. _She couldn't understand why they were laughing at her, when they were the ones that had forgotten to put on pants that morning! And then she looked down.

The comfortable jeans she had pulled on that morning had disappeared to reveal her pink flowered knickers. The boys behind her roared with laughter as she tried to cover her bum.

"Well you aren't wearing any pants either!" She shouted, flustered. That set them off laughing at each other, as they realized that _nobody_ was wearing pants. Lily glared around, trying to pinpoint the perpetrator, when Professor Slughorn strolled down the hall, his saggy white underwear bouncing with every step that he took before he disappeared into his classroom. Apparently, he hadn't noticed that the hallway was filling with pants-less students.

Lily's anger broke, and she felt her cheeks turn red as she tried to suppress the giggles trying to escape from her mouth. Soon she was completely overcome with laughter, and had slid down onto the floor with one fist crammed in her mouth.

The group of students in the dungeon hallway grew rapidly as word spread that nobody could keep their pants on near Slughorn's classroom. It wasn't long before James, Sirius, Peter and Remus appeared on the scene. James and Sirius led the way, stepping over the huddled forms of students who had collapsed on the floor. They surveyed the scene with the air of proud parents, their eyes gleaming with mirth. Even Remus succumbed to laughter when he spotted a fellow Prefect's tighty-whiteys.

Lily had a brief struggle with herself to avoid looking at James' boxers (which had little golden snitches on them) and lost. Something about his insistence in having all things Quidditch struck her as extremely funny, and James was treated to a good view of her flower-clad bum as she collapsed sideways, shaking with laughter. "Best prank idea ever," he murmured to Sirius, who nodded adamantly.

When the bell rang and none of the students made an effort to get to class, Slughorn burst out of his classroom. He stared with wide eyes at the gaggle kids, apparently unsure of how to handle a pants-less crowd.

"Now, now all of you!" He called, "Get your pants back on and head to class! I wouldn't want to report you all to Professor Dumbledore- I'm sure he'd be highly displeased if he knew..." Slughorn trailed off. His appearance had caused a fresh roar of laughter. His cheeks flushed an angry red. "Now look here-"

He was cut off as Remus, whose hands were clutched to his stomach as he tried to contain himself, managed to gasp out, "Professor, your pants!"

Slughorn blushed crimson as he looked down to find his own pants had vanished. "This isn't funny!" he shouted, as he retreated into his classroom. "I'm telling Dumbledore!" Eventually the students realized that as soon as they stepped out of the hallway, their pants reappeared, and the crowd reluctantly allowed itself to be scattered.

For days afterward, all it took to set Lily off laughing was the mention of pants. Alice was delighted with this change, and took it at every opportunity to make her friend crack up. She had always thought that Lily could use more laughter in her life, and was delighted that the Marauders had given it to her.

The prank also changed Lily's resolve to ignore James. They were back on speaking terms- although Lily was still determined to find a way to get back at him for a) calling her a hypocrite, b) barging into her room while she was in her underwear, c) breaking her window and d) being James Potter. When she brought this up to Alice, her friend pointed out that her first and last points weren't really fair, as James couldn't help being who he was any more than Snape could stop his hair from being greasy and Lily _had _made the rules and then broken them. After that, Lily decided to keep her revenge plans to herself.

One Friday night, after Lily had suffered through a patrol that went straight through dinner and then a long Astronomy class, she dragged herself through the circular doorway that led to the Head's Den.

She nearly cried with dismay when she saw that James was lounging in her favorite chair by the fire, a book propped up in his lap. Lily already felt irrational with hunger, and the only thing that'd gotten her through Astronomy was the idea that she could collapse in her chair as soon as she reached the Den.

"Potter," Lily moaned. "That's my chair!"

James jumped up as if the seat had burned his bum. "I'm sorry, your Highness," he joked, dipping into a low bow before he settled in the chair across from it that was exactly the same. Lily huffed grumpily and sat down, wishing there were some way to conjure food up to her room or call a house elf for it.

Across the room, Jasper was wolfing down the last of his cat food. If he hadn't just finished it, Lily reckoned she might have resorted to trying it. _I'd do it after James went to bed, of course, _Lily thought. _He'd think I'm crazy if he actually caught me trying it._

After Jasper had licked the bowl clean, he sprang onto Lily's lap, a purr already rumbling in his throat. "Aw Jasper," Lily said as he landed on her empty stomach. "I'm starving. Go sit on James."

"Is that what's wrong?" James asked, looking up at her words.

Lily sighed. "Yes." She scowled as James began to laugh. "It isn't funny. I'm _starving._"

"It isn't funny that you're hungry... It's just such an easy problem to fix. Here I was thinking someone had died or something, and really you're only hungry." He stood up. "Come on, I'll get you some food."

Lily hesitated. "What do you mean come on? Come on where?"

"To the kitchens. The house elves would be delighted to get you something to eat."

"I don't know James... What if we got caught? How would it look, if Filch caught both Heads out of bed after hours?" Lily pushed her hair behind her ears, torn between not breaking the rules and her hunger.

"We won't get caught," James said, already starting for the doorway. "I'm very good at not getting caught."

Lily rolled her eyes at his arrogance. "It's too risky. I'll just go to bed and get something to eat in the morning... when it isn't against the rules." She wanted to cry at the thought.

James sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this, but you give me no other option." He spun and dashed into his room, reemerging after only a moment with a silvery cloak draped across his arms. Lily's eyes widened at the sight of it.

"Is- is that what I think it is?"

James chuckled. "It depends on what you think it is," he said, and then flung it around his shoulders and disappeared from view.

Lily stood up, causing a purring Jasper to slide off her lap. "Oh wow," she whispered as he reappeared. The fabric was cool and light on her fingers as she let it flow over her hands. "How'd you get this?"

"My dad gave it to me for my birthday when I turned eleven. Now come on!" He swept the invisibility cloak around his shoulders once more and held the edge up so Lily could slide under. She hesitated- in her experience it was best not to get into confined spaces with James Potter- but an empty stomach and the privilege of getting to use the cloak spurred her on. _How many times does a witch get to experience being under an invisibility cloak? _She thought as she slid under. The fabric slid around her in cool, shimmering waves.

"Alright now," James whispered in her ear, "we're going to have to maneuver together- and I'll have to crouch a bit as I'm too tall for this thing with two people under it." His breath tickled, and she rubbed her ear on her shoulder after he was finished speaking to ward off the goose bumps that were forming.

As they climbed through the round doorway, James' hand brushed her waist. For some inexplicable reason, Lily's stomach tightened and her heart rate sped up. _I'm probably just nervous about sneaking out, _she thought, shutting out the part of her mind that whispered it wasn't called _anxiety- _it was called _attraction._

After that the trip went smoothly. Lily got the hang of walking under the cloak and James took advantage of her close proximity to relish the honey-suckle smell of her hair. He had imagined this instance many times during boring History of Magic classes, and now here he was. Living his dream... although admittedly his daydreams usually ended with him pushing her into a hidden nook and snogging her senseless, and he didn't think she would react favorably if he did such a thing now.

They reached the kitchen without seeing another soul... living or dead. Even the paintings had already ended their nighttime escapades and were snoring softly in their frames as the pair passed. After a furtive glance around, James gently tickled a green pear in a picture of a bowl of fruit. Lily was about to scold him for touching the art when a doorknob emerged out of the bottom of the pear. She shut her mouth with a snap.

James pulled open the door to reveal a room as large as the Great Hall (although with a much shorter ceiling) and led her through. A gaggle of house elves marched over as soon as they'd pulled off the invisibility cloak. "What can we be getting you Sir James and his Misses?" a particularly short one squeaked, bowing low at their feet.

"You don't have to bow," Lily mumbled, embarrassed. The house elf looked up at her with accusing eyes.

James nudged her with his elbow shook his head the slightest bit. "It'd be great if you could bring us a roasted chicken sandwich, bowl of potato soup, two butterbeers, and-" he looked at Lily.

"Uh, make that two roasted chicken sandwiches and two potato soups," she said, unsure of what else she could order.

"Perfect then, two chicken sandwiches, two potato soups, and two butterbeers," said James. The house elf dashed off, with a delighted "Right away sir!"

After a failed effort to take Lily's hand (she shook him off and then crossed her arms) he led her to a clear spot and transfigured a table and two wooden chairs out of some pieces of coal he'd snagged from the fireplace.

"They aren't the most comfortable," he said apologetically as they sat down. "I'm not the best at transfiguring those squashy ones Dumbledore always does."

Lily smiled. "I'm too hungry to notice anyway," she told him honestly. Their food arrived five times faster than it would have at any restaurant, and the house elves gave little bows after they had deposited it on the table before disappearing into the recesses of the kitchen.

Lily picked up her sandwich with two hands, and bit into the crusty, warm bread gratefully. "Mm," she moaned as she swallowed. James had paused with his own sandwich half way to his mouth to watch her take a bite, and he smiled at her joy before digging into his own food.

"Man, I was so hungry," she said between bites. "I even considered eating the cat food." James choked on his butterbeer as he tried to both swallow and laugh at the same time.

A scant twenty minutes later, Lily had an empty soup bowl and plate sitting in front of her. She downed the last of her butterbeer and stood.

"We should probably go," she said through a yawn. After saying farewell to the house elves, they slipped under the cloak and started back towards the Head's Den.

James was unusually quiet as they walked, and Lily had just summoned the courage to ask him what was on his mind when he spoke. "Hey Lils?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?" she whispered back, her stomach clenching as he said her name.

"I was just wondering if you still remembered the first time we met."

Lily closed her eyes, his words transporting her back to that day on the train. Yes, she still remembered. She remembered all of it perfectly. She had been wandering through the corridor, her stomach twisted in knots. Severus had promised her that he'd meet her on the train, but she couldn't find him, and she didn't know anyone else. All around her other kids sat in large groups of their friends laughing and joking, and she couldn't imagine joining them in their compartments. They'd probably make fun of her... or kick her out. And she couldn't even find an empty compartment to hide in. She thought longingly of her school back at home, where she had tons of friends.

At last she passed one where a smaller boy sat alone. This seemed like her best option, so she slid in. The boy smiled at her, but his eyes seemed wary. She smiled back, and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Lily Evans," she said.

He shook it carefully. "Remus Lupin," he said with a nod. The train started with a rumble, and at the last minute three more boys slid into the compartment. James, Sirius, and Peter, she knew now. But back then they had seemed like just three more rambunctious first years, all cooler than she was. They introduced themselves, and then the two taller black haired boys set to work on Remus, trying to make him laugh with ridiculous jokes about the wizarding world.

Lily tried to laugh along, but she was muggleborn and none of the jokes made sense to her. Not to mention that every time she managed to unglue her eyes from her lap, she found the messier black haired boy's gaze on her.

The boys had just begun to discuss why Gryffindor was the best house when a voice from the corridor said in response, "Sure, if you'd rather be brawny than brainy." Lily looked up to see a slight boy with lank black hair.

"Severus!" she cried, her green eyes lighting up with delight. "I looked all over for you, but I couldn't find you!"

He smiled at her. "Well I found you. Come on, I found a good spot to sit."

"Severus Snape?" asked the smooth black haired boy, his voice cool.

"Yes," said Severus.

"My family loves your mother's family," explained Sirius. "Although they're less fond of her since she married a muggle."

James sat up with a start at that. "I know his likes, Lily. Don't go with him- you won't make any good friends that way. 'Specially not if you're a muggleborn."

Lily glared at them. "What do you know about good friends?" she spat, "I can make my own choices, thanks." With that, she grabbed her luggage and followed Severus down the corridor, her nose in the air.

Lily shook her head as she resurfaced from the memory. "Yeah I remember," she said quietly in response to James' question. "Why?"

He took a deep breath, his face only inches from hers as he whispered, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I was selfish. I wanted your attention, and somehow I thought that picking on Snape would get it."

Lily shook her head, trying to assess how she felt. Surprised, definitely. Maybe a little confused. But angry too, because if he felt like one measly apology would make up for years of bullying Severus, he could think again. She looked up into his face, ready to tell him off, but his eyes were so full of hope that she couldn't crush him. _I'll let it go, _she thought, _just this once. _

And then he kissed her.


	7. Heights and Howls

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all.

Not on the lips, just on the cheek. But still, it was enough to set her off. "James Potter! I can not believe you just kissed me!" Thankfully they were almost at the Head's Den. Lily shrugged off the cloak and stormed up the last flight of stairs, cursing James the entire way.

Behind her, James shrugged. "I guess I wouldn't have known what to do if you hadn't reacted that way," he called up to her. When she didn't respond, he folded up the invisibility cloak and followed in her footsteps.

As he passed the closed door to her room, he paused. "Good night Lils," he said in a stage whisper. "I'm glad you didn't have to resort to eating cat food." Curled up in her bed, Lily smiled despite herself.

When she awoke the next morning, the almost full moon still hung in the sky. Lily groaned- her head felt like it'd been stuffed with Pygmy Puffs. Even though every part of her body begged her to crawl under the covers and go back to sleep she dragged herself out of bed. Jasper, who'd been sleeping by her feet, jumped down and followed her into the bathroom as she prepared herself for the day.

Today was the first Quidditch match of the year- Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw- and Lily had promised Alice that she would come. She'd even gone one step further, and decided to get a good seat at the top of the stands. She figured she might as well work on her fear of heights and watch the game at the same time, and if she wanted to get a good seat she'd have to get to the Quidditch pitch early.

A glance past James' open door told her that he was still asleep. She snorted- James was known for being uncharacteristically laid back when it came to games. While the rest of his team got up at the crack of dawn and then huddled over the breakfast table until it was time, James slept.

She left the Head Den with Jasper trailing her like a shadow, and together they walked down to the Great Hall. Just as she'd expected, she found Alice sitting mutely in front of an untouched plate of food. "Come on Al," she coaxed. "You've got to eat something."

Alice turned to smile at her, her dark brown hair swishing around her shoulders. "I'm glad you're here to make me eat," she said, her voice hoarse with nerves. "I'll need my strength for today's match."

Lily nodded. She'd heard that Ravenclaw's team was unusually strong this year. She pointed at some toast. "Eat that." Alice complied, picking it up with shaky hands.

While Alice nibbled on her toast, Lily loaded her own plate with eggs and sausage. As she ate, she tossed down bits of sausage and egg to Jasper, who was sitting on the bench next to her, and read snatches of the Daily Prophet to Alice. She tried to edit out the stressful news, as Alice already was nervous enough without hearing that one of their top Aurors had been killed and that it was suspected that Voldemort had infiltrated the Ministry.

Once Lily had managed to get two pieces of toast and an egg into her friend, she stood up to leave. The Great Hall was already filled with students wolfing down breakfast before the game, and already, students were filing out to get seats.

Marlene McKinnon, who was in Ravenclaw came up behind her. "Would you like to get seats together?" she asked, picking up Jasper.

"That'd be great," Lily told her with a genuine smile. After Lily had wished Alice good luck, they left for the grounds.

"I know we're on opposing sides," said Marlene as they walked, "but I don't care all that much about Quidditch anyway. I'd choose a good game of Wizard chess over a match any day."

"Then why are you coming to this one?" asked Lily, curious.

Marlene smiled. "My boyfriend, Philbert Deverill is the Keeper. He's crazy about Quidditch." She shook her head.

As they reached the Gryffindor stands Lily took a deep breath. It wasn't so bad going up- the stairs that led to the top were closed in on all sides, so as long as Lily didn't think about how high up she was, she was fine. After what felt like a hundred dizzying circles on the staircase, they stepped into the open viewing area. Marlene immediately led Lily towards the front, and it was all Lily could do to keep her eyes fixed on the back of her friend's blond head.

"Oh look, Lily!" said Marlene cheerily. "There are still two front row seats left!" She easily climbed over three first years and settled in one of the empty seats.

"Oh goody," said Lily under her breath as she scooted past the first years. Her knees turned to jelly as she caught a glimpse of the ground far, far below. Determined not to make a fool of herself- she was after all, Head Girl- she closed her eyes and placed one foot in front of another until she'd reached the empty seat. Only then did she allow herself to collapse.

Jasper hopped into her lap, and she pressed her shaking hands into his thick, black coat. A warm purr vibrated his entire body as she petted him, and slowly the sound began to slow her heartbeat. "You better not try to jump off the railing," she told him. "Because I'm not saving you if you do." He purred even harder.

"Oh, your cat followed us!" she said with delight, scratching under his chin. "My patronus is a cat you know."

Lily smiled. "Mine's a doe. Although I've never been able to figure out why... when I told my Dad he was shocked. Had his bets on a tiger."

"So your father's a Wizard too?" Marlene asked. "For some reason I thought you were from an all muggle family."

"You thought right. My dad just loves the idea of wizards... he always steals my schoolbooks during the summer and reads them. He was particularly taken with the idea of patronuses."

"That's fantastic!" Marlene's narrow face stretched in a grin. "I'm from an all wizard family, but I've got two older brothers so my parents are hardly interested in what I'm up to."

At that moment, the referee swept onto the field on his broomstick. Up in the announcer's stand Lily could just make out Sirius Black sitting next to McGonagall.

The stands quieted as down below, the two teams filed onto the Quidditch pitch. Lily felt an odd swooping sensation in her stomach she leaned forward for a better glimpse of the Gryffindor players. _All you have to do is sit here, _she told herself, trying to dispel the shakes she felt coming on.

A sharp whistle pierced the air, and up the two teams shot, James and the Ravenclaw chaser scrabbling for the Quaffle. At last they pulled apart, and Lily caught a glimpse of the reddish ball tucked under James' arm as he shot through the air.

"Potter has possession of the Quaffle!" said Sirius, "a brilliant start for the Gryffindors, as I'm sure Professor McGonagall will agree!" He grinned at the Professor next to him. Through her binoculars, Lily could make out the hint of a smile on McGonagall's face. Sirius and the Transfiguration teacher were famous for bickering their way through Quidditch matches.

Up above, Lily could just make out the red-clad form of Rolanda Hooch as she circled the pitch like a hawk, yellow eyes searching for the Snitch. 

"Gryffindor scores! And take a look at Deverill's face! If it isn't usually ugly, it sure is now!" Sirius earned himself a sharp look from McGonagall for that one.

Lily cast a look at Marlene, but she merely smiled. "He is a sore loser," she said, and then turned her attention back to the game.

The game fell into a pattern after about twenty minutes- Potter would score, and then Deverill would make it in, keeping the game at a steady tie. Lily was soon so swept up in it all that she forgot she was sitting in a spindly tower high up in the sky.

Alice was doing a particularly good job- she even managed to prevent the Ravenclaw chaser from scoring with a well-aimed Bludger. Lily stood and cheered every time Sirius mentioned her (although often he only pointed her out to say that her figure was looking fabulous from all of the Quidditch practice). The game was nearing two hours long, with the score tied 100-100, when Hooch dove.

She streaked toward the ground, her robes a reddish blur, her yellow eyes wide with excitement. The Ravenclaw seeker spun to follow, but Hooch had already put too much distance between them. At the last minute, she pulled out of the dive, gold glinting from between her fingers. The air filled with screams and cheers and boos as Sirius said, "And Gryffindor wins! Obviously." The high score of this match would make Gryffindor a difficult team to beat.

Students began filing out of the stands in a mad rush to greet their Quidditch players.

"I'd better go see Philbert," Marlene said once they'd reached the ground. She headed off into the throng, her blonde hair bouncing around her shoulders. Lily smiled at her back and then let herself be swept into the crowd that was heading towards the Gryffindors.

Alice greeted her with an enthusiastic hug once she'd reached the team, and Lily shouted, fighting to be heard over the roar of the crowd, "You were fantastic!" Alice grinned.

James detached himself from a mixture of teammates and lovesick girls to approach them. For a second his hands wavered by his sides, and he looked as though he wanted to hug her. Instead he stuck out one hand. Lily clasped it, still caught up in the excitement of winning the match.

"Good work," she shouted at him, and he beamed back, hazel eyes glittering. _He does look handsome in his Quidditch robes, _Lily found herself thinking, slightly surprised. Before she'd only seen an arrogant prat when he paraded around in his robes after matches. She shook her head at her thoughts and released his hand.

"I'll see you around," James shouted at her, and then he headed into the crowd to hoist spiky-haired Hooch onto his shoulders. The students around him helped, lifting her into the air as they marched toward the castle. Lily and Alice followed at a slower pace, still discussing the game.

They were heading into the Great Hall to get some lunch, when a scruffy looking owl winged its way towards Lily. She took the envelope from its leg and gave it an Owl treat from her bag. As they sat down, she opened up the letter.

"Oh it's from Hagrid!" she said at once, recognizing his spiky handwriting. "He's inviting us to lunch to celebrate the match. Would you like to go?"

Alice quickly agreed and they retraced their footsteps back onto the grounds, with Jasper twining around their ankles as they walked.

"Hullo!" Hagrid greeted them as he pulled open the door to his cabin. "See ye' got my note." The two girls filed into his cabin and settled themselves around the roughly hewn wood table.

"Did you see the game?" asked Alice as he poured tea into three clay mugs and then ladled stew into matching bowls. He tossed a piece of meat to Jasper, who was exploring his cabin.

"I sure did. Watched it from m' cabin. Yer turnin' into a great beater," he told her. Alice's cheeks pinkened. They chatted about the Quidditch game, and Lily told him about her quest to defeat her fear of heights. Hagrid thought it was a great idea, and even suggested ways for her to work on it- such as taking a broomstick up, or looking down from the Astronomy tower.

"Althou' you better watch ou' for couples if you do tha,'" he said, chuckling. The Astronomy tower was a known make out spot. Lily took another bite of her stew. It was surprisingly edible for one of Hagrid's concoctions.

"What's this stew made out of?" she asked once she had nearly finished the bowl. "It's delicious."

"Baby unicorn. Mos' tender meat you can find." said Hagrid without batting an eyelash. Both girls paused, repulsed. Lily felt faintly nauseous. "I'm jus' kiddin'. It's rabbit stew. We got plenty o' those in the forest."

When Lily got back to the Head's Den late that afternoon, James was still gone. _Probably partying in the Gryffindor tower, _Lily thought as she settled into her favorite chair to finish up her homework from the week. For some reason the idea bothered her- and not only because he was probably consuming copious amounts of illegal Firewhisky either. She pictured him leaning against the wall, a giggling girl wrapped in his arms... _Ugh. What a fat headed prat._

It was almost dark when James climbed through the circular doorway. Lily had long since finished her homework, and was finishing a letter to her father at the common room desk.

"Have fun?" she asked, her voice dry.

"Yeah, I did. It was a great game. I love it when they last-" he stopped speaking, noticing the dark look on her face. "What's wrong? You aren't hungry again, are you?"

She shook her head, fighting to keep a smile from her face. "I do get grumpy when I'm hungry," she admitted. "But I'm not hungry right now."

"Ah," he said, scooting by her and into his room. Lily was relieved to find that he didn't smell like Firewhisky. Only grass and wind and soap. She shook her head, her thoughts bringing back her dark mood. _He doesn't smell good, _she told herself firmly.

She sealed her letter and then brought it into her room to save for when she could post it later. Outside her window, the sun was slipping behind the mountains, streaking the sky pink. She knew that from the other side of the castle, students could probably see a beautiful full moon.

Lily sunk onto the soft cushion of her window seat; her head was clear despite the height. She was just scanning the dark trees of the Forbidden Forest, when motion to her left caught her eye. She turned her head in time to see James Potter streaking down from his balcony on a broomstick, headed toward the Forbidden Forest. In the distance, a hair-raising howl sounded- the howl of a werewolf.

For a second, she wavered. Then, with a wave of her wand, she had disappeared the glass in her window and _accio_-ed a broomstick from the supply shed. She swung her leg over the broom awkwardly- she hadn't rode one since her first year- and pushed off from her floor. For a second, she hovered. _You're a Gryffindor! _She told herself. _You're supposed to be brave! _And then, determinedly pushing any thoughts of her weak knees, clammy palms and spinning head away, she zoomed out the window.

It took her awhile to get the hang of the broomstick and by the time she had reached the Whomping Willow, James had disappeared. Fear filled the pit of her stomach. She couldn't see where else he could've gone than the forest. _Stupid pigheaded, overconfident, idiotic prat! _

For a moment, she considered turning back. But then she imagined what Dumbledore would say if he found out she'd let a student go into a potentially dangerous situation by himself. He'd be mad, even worse, disappointed. She was Head Girl; it was her duty to stop James.

It didn't seem like a good idea to enter the forest on foot, so instead she urged the broom into the trees. Flying through the forest was much more difficult than flying through open air. It was almost pitch black, and she had to avoid tree limbs and trunks and leaves. She was tempted to use _lumos_ to light her way, but she didn't want to draw attention to herself with the light. The thought of unseen eyes on her back made her shiver.

She flew doggedly through the forest, her ears alert for sounds of both James and predators. Two hours later, there still wasn't any sign of him and Lily's face was scratched and bleeding from flying into branches.

Finally, the slapping of the trees on her face and arms had gotten to be too much. She pulled the broom above the canopy and hovered in midair, attempting to rip off a piece of cloth from her shirt to use as a bandage for a particularly deep cut on her arm.

The crack of a branch below startled her, and she nearly dropped the cloth as she was tying it. Once she had firmly secured it around her arm, she dipped down below the canopy. In the darkness, she could barely make out a hunched, panting form. A beam of moonlight made the animal's intelligent brown eyes gleam, and Lily felt as though she'd walked through a ghost.

She held her breath as the animal sat and let out a long howl. Within seconds, an enormous black dog burst out of the trees, bounding forward playfully. The werewolf lowered itself into a crouch and waved its rump in the air.

Lily watched, amazed, as they tumbled together, snarling and panting. The dog had just managed to pin the werewolf down, and was vigorously licking his face, when a massive animal appeared from the woods behind her.

He was beautiful- with long delicate legs and reddish-gold fur. Velveteen antlers framed liquid golden-green eyes, and his long slender ears flickered forward and backward, capturing the forest around him in sound. Lily let a long breath escape as he pranced toward the wrestling pair- his coat dappled by moonlight.

The stag froze at the sound of her sigh, and surveyed the forest carefully before shaking his head. The shaggy black dog let out a delighted yip at the sight of him, and bounded off of his werewolf friend to greet the majestic animal with a lick on the nose.

She followed silently as they headed deeper into the forest side by side, the oddest pack she had ever seen- and she hadn't even noticed the rat that was trailing them. The thought of James had completely flooded from her mind upon seeing the animals, and guilt twisted her stomach when she remembered why she'd rushed into the forest in the first place.

Finding James would be like trying to pick out a kneazle at an animal shelter- practically impossible. She'd have much better luck if she followed the werewolf- they were made to hunt humans. _Let's just hope I can get to him before the werewolf does, _she thought grimly.

As the night wore on without any sign of James, Lily began to grow sleepy. The initial adrenaline rush of being in the forest and then finding a werewolf was wearing off, but she was determined to stay with the pack. Thankfully, she was becoming good at avoiding branches. _At the very least, _she thought as she managed to dodge yet another smack in the face, _I'll be a good flyer after this._

The moon was well into its descent in the sky when the animals changed their course, working their way back toward Hogwarts. Lily was so exhausted that she hardly noticed- it was all she could do to stay on her broomstick. When they reached the edge of the forest, they made a beeline for the Whomping Willow.

Lily followed them into the open, her mind numbed with sleep and cold. She hardly noticed when the Whomping Willow froze, its branches poised against the lightening sky. Panic clutched at her thoughts as the animals disappeared into the base of the tree and she urged her broomstick forward, putting herself within reach of the great tree's limbs. She'd never be able to find James without them!

Everything was still for a moment and then _WHAM, a_ branch as thick around as a Quaffle slammed her off her broomstick and into the ground. The long, unkempt grass bent around her like a cradle as she lay, cold and still.

She was still passed out when James, Sirius, and Peter trooped out of the tree. Remus was in the Shrieking Shack, waiting for the nurse to come pick him up.

"Oh _shit._" Sirius was the first one to notice Lily's crumpled form. "Prongs, get over here!" James' face whitened as caught a glimpse of her deep red hair.

"Lily." He breathed the word, dropping his broomstick on the ground as he rushed to her side. Her hands were freezing in his, but her pulse was still pumping strong. A large purple bump was forming on her forehead and her face was covered with tiny scratches.

"What happened?" Peter asked. He stood behind James and Sirius as they examined her body, feeling for breaks and, although neither wanted to say it, bites.

"I think she's alright," Sirius said at last, and James let out a sigh of relief. "Let's get her into bed, and then if she needs it we can take her to the hospital wing."

It took a few minutes of debate before they decided that covering her with the invisibility cloak and flying her up to her room was the best course of action. Sirius pulled the cloak out of his back pocket, and James helped him to tuck it snugly around her.

Then, as James straddled his broom a few feet off the ground, Sirius picked her up and placed her in front of him. Even through the cloak he could smell the sweet aroma of honey suckles. Her body felt small and cold against his own, and he felt his stomach contract with fear at the thought of her staying that way.

More carefully than he ever had in his life, he pushed off from the ground and soared toward the Head's Den.


	8. Shivers and Shacks

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: I do love reviews, and if I get enough, I may even find the time to post another chapter before I head off into the wilderness for a week.

"The thing that confuses me is why we didn't see her when we were going into the tunnel."

"She was hidden in the grass pretty well- Sirius only noticed her because of her hair, and we weren't really seeing in color."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. And you're sure she wasn't-"

"I'm sure. We checked... thoroughly. The only marks on her were a big bruise and lots of scratches."

"But you said before there was that one moment-"

"We were deep in the forest then, and Sirius found you after only a few minutes. She was all the way over by the Whomping Willow. There was no way you could've gotten to her."

"But I just don't understand what else could've happened!"

"Me neither. The glass was gone in her window, but otherwise everything seemed normal. And she seemed okay when I left..."

Lily squeezed her eyes together harder, wanting to return to the dream she'd been having about a werewolf, a stag, and a big black dog. The sound of footsteps approaching her bed only drew her further from sleep.

"Mmmm," she said, rolling over onto her stomach. Sudden pain coursed through her head. "Ow!" She rolled over again, eyes open wide now. Up above, glowing spots rotated slowly on the ceiling.

Her fingers traced the massive bump on her forehead as her eyes tried to adjust to the bright room. When it wasn't painful to look around, she sat up. The first two things she registered were that there were snitch boxers on the floor, and that Remus was standing next to her.

"Remus?" she asked, when her eyes met Remus' chocolate brown ones. "Where am I?" Then it started to sink it... the dark blue ceiling, the fake stars, the boxers on the floor. "Why am I in James' bed?" she asked. Her voice sounded as though it'd jumped up two octaves.

James laughed. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed by her feet. "We needed to treat your wounds. We couldn't do it when you were on your loft. Too hard to reach."

"Wounds?" asked Lily. She couldn't remember getting hurt. And then, at the sight of James' broomstick leaning against the wall, it all came rushing back. James disappearing, flying, the Forbidden Forest, the werewolf and dog and stag... the Whomping Willow.

Lily clasped a hand to her forehead, forgetting how tender it was. She winced and then exclaimed, "It wasn't a dream!"

James chuckled. "I guess not. Would you mind explaining to us _what _exactly wasn't a dream?"

Lily thought back to the previous evening. She didn't mind James knowing that she'd tried to follow him, she wanted to know why he'd snuck away in the first place... but something about the animals she'd witnessed seemed too private to share. She didn't want to sully her memory of it by telling James.

Lily sighed. "I saw you leaving on your broomstick," she said accusingly before she continued in a softer voice. "And just then a werewolf howled. I couldn't just let you go into the Forbidden Forest by yourself- what if," her voice cracked, "What if something happened? And I'm Head Girl. Dumbledore never would've forgiven me if I hadn't made sure you were safe."

"Because it isn't like I'm Head Boy," said James, rolling his eyes. Beside him, Remus was frozen, his eyes locked on Lily's face.

"Go on," he whispered. Something about his tone reminded Lily of someone who was watching a bad accident happen but couldn't look away.

She swallowed. "So I summoned a broom and flew out my window and followed. But by the time I got down to the Whomping Willow, you'd disappeared. The only place you could've gone was the Forbidden Forest... so I went in to find you."

James' face, which had been beaming with pride up until that point (he'd been the one to get Lily on a broomstick!) turned pasty, like a piece of parchment. Beside him, Remus visibly winced.

Hardly noticing these reactions, Lily continued. "I couldn't find you anywhere. So I flew farther and farther in until I was completely lost. But I still had to keep looking. I kept imagining what Dumbledore would've said if I stopped." She drew a long breath. "And then near dawn, I'd finally made it to the edge of the Forest when I heard noise by the Whomping Willow. I zoomed over, completely forgetting about its flailing branch tendencies, and that's all I remember."

She stared defiantly at James, daring him to tease her for being so stupid. But all he did was crawl forward and place a calloused hand on her cheek. She winced as her heart accelerated and her skin tingled. "What are you doing?" she asked, pupils wide in her emerald irises as she stared up into James' handsome face.

"Hold still," he murmured, a look of both concentration and pleasure on his face, "I tried to do this earlier but you kept moving," Carefully he pressed his wand against the bump on her forehead and whispered "episkey." Her forehead felt freezing for a moment and then burning hot, before it finally felt normal- and less painful. Then he spread foul smelling balm on it. Immediately, the throb that'd spread through her head began to lessen.

"Oh," Lily sighed. "That stuff's great!"

James grinned, his teeth white against his tan skin. "I know." He paused before pulling his hand off of her cheek and back into his lap.

"Hey!" she said with a start, "you distracted me! What in Merlin's name _were_ you doing in the Forbidden Forest?"

James and Remus exchanged looks. "Listen Lily," James began. "I didn't go down to the Forbidden Forest at all. You must've been mistaken in the dark. I was really heading towards Hagrid's cabin."

Lily narrowed her eyes. Just the slow, weary way he'd said it made her think he was lying. Besides, he had definitely flown for the Whomping Willow, not Hagrid's cabin. "Alright then," she chirped. "You won't mind if I go ask him?"

She started to get up and both boys rushed over, hands held up in protest. "No Lily, you aren't strong enough!"

"You might pass out again!"

"You need to heal!"

She rolled her eyes, but lay back down in bed nonetheless. Now she definitely knew he'd been lying. "Fine! I won't get up. But then let me get my rest and stop bothering me."

They nodded their ascent and headed out. She caught a snatch of, "Merlin, she looks good in my bed," before James had closed the door behind him. Lily rolled over and buried her nose in the pillow. _Mmm, _it smelled like the air before a storm and grass and spring breezes. And maybe, very faintly, roasted marshmallows.

"You smell too good to be true, bloody James Potter," she whispered, before falling asleep.

She was still alone when she woke up hours later. She sat up and surveyed the room- the boys were still gone, James' boxers were still on the floor (she wondered absentmindedly whether they smelled like his pillow), the sun was halfway down to setting, and she was starving. And- her eyes widened with excitement- the precious piece of old parchment that James and Sirius had barged into her room for was sitting on the bedside table next to her. _He never learns, _she thought, glad that he didn't.

With a discreet glance to make sure the door was still closed, she picked up the parchment. After fishing her wand out of her pants pocket (thankfully she'd managed not to land on it when she fell), she tapped the parchment.

"_Aparecium,_" she tried first. When no invisible ink appeared, she tapped again. "_Specialis Revelio." _The parchment remained blank. Lily swore, and then snatched up a quill from the floor.

_Lily Evans demands that you reveal your secrets, _she scratched onto the parchment. The ink sat for a moment, and then disappeared as it dried. Only moments later curly handwriting appeared in response.

_Mr, Moony commends Lily Evans for getting her hands on this parchment, but advises her to let her abnormal amount of curiosity go._

_Mr. Prongs wants to know if Lily Evans would go out with her? _

_Mr. Wormtail thinks that although Lily Evans is very beautiful, she should not touch other people's things. _

_Mr. Padfoot has to say that if Lily Evans isn't going to date Prongs, she ought to get her bloody hands off his stuff. _

For a moment, Lily sat, stunned. Then she started to laugh. Well, she knew who Prongs was, although that was hardly a secret. Sirius called him Prongs all the time. _But why Prongs? _A little voice in her head asked. _And why Moony and Wormtail and Padfoot? _

She could guess that Padfoot was Sirius- she'd heard James call him that before, and the response on the parchment seemed like something he'd say. And surely Wormtail must be Peter- Remus would never agree to be called something so... slimy. So that left him as Moony. The name brought to mind the full, shimmery moon that'd hung in the sky last night.

Lily directed her gaze to the parchment that she'd unfolded across her legs. There must be some sort of secret phrase... She wracked her brains, trying to think of the stupid phrases that the Marauders had used over the years. Thinks like _you're in the doghouse now, Moony's time of month _and _will you go out with me? _floated through her thoughts. She spoke them aloud and wasn't surprised when the parchment remained blank.

The she tried another tactic- What mattered most to the Marauders? That was easy. It was in their name. They were marauders- they made trouble. "I'll cause trouble," she said aloud. Spiky black handwriting sprawled its way across the parchment- G_ood. _She smiled despite herself._ "_I promise to cause trouble," she tried again. That earned her a big smiley face from the parchment. Stupid thing. That couldn't be all it did! They wouldn't care so much about it if it were just some dumb gag. Her eyes flew around the room, looking for clues.

On the bedside table, a picture of the Marauders, their arms all wrapped around each other's shoulders caught her eye. Against the blue sky above them, somebody had scribbled, "We solemnly swear that we're up to no good." Lily's breath caught- there it was! There it bloody was!

"We solemnly swear that we're up to no good," she breathed. When the map remained blank, her breath left in a whoosh. She only had one guess left. If it wasn't that, she was giving up and forgetting about the bloody thing. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," she told the parchment, her stomach tensing with anticipation.

For a moment nothing happened, and then thin lines spread out like spider webs on the aging parchment. Lily let out a whoop of joy as it completed its transformation.

_ Mssrs. Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail_ _proudly present the Marauder's Map. _She traced a finger over the delicate lines before lifting it close to her face. Were those? They were. Tiny dots moved about the castle, with minute nametags attached to them. Merlin! The bloody Marauders had managed to track every being that walked through this school!

She stared at the map, deeply impressed. It took tricky magic to create something that not only could insult people but held a secret map that _tracked _people as well. Then, her eyes got busy. First she located James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. They were just leaving the Great Hall. She watched as James' dot split off from the bunch and headed toward the Owlery. She still had time... it was a long walk.

The longer she looked at the map, the more she noticed. Like there was a secret passageway under the statue of the Hag. And under the Whomping Willow! That must've been where James had gone! But how he'd managed to get past the tree she'd never know. And, now that she'd thought about it, hadn't the werewolf disappeared into that same passageway? She shuddered to think how close James must've come to the beast. _But where did-_

Her thoughts were cut off at the sound of James' footsteps outside the door. She threw the parchment down onto the nightstand and snuggled her cheek into the pillow. Thank Merlin she'd gotten good at faking sleep when Petunia had started bursting into her room during the summers to cry her heart out to her "sleeping" sister. For a while, she'd refused to talk to Lily while she was awake.

The door creaked open, and the muted sound of feet on carpeting grew louder as James headed towards her. "Huh," he muttered as he noticed the map. "Remus must've forgotten to wipe it. Mischief managed."

His weight made the bed sink slightly, and the smell of rain and wind and grass enveloped her. It was just like the pillow, only stronger... better. She inhaled deeply in her feigned sleep. "Oh Lily," he said. She could practically feel the weight of his gaze on her face, and she struggled not to blush. Warm, rough fingers swept her cheek. "I sure do love you, Lily," he murmured.

Then, to her extreme embarrassment, the fingers were replaced by something warm and smooth and soft. _His mouth, _some detached part of her body said, and her stomach tingled unpleasantly. She wanted to protest, wanted to yell at him, to explain that he had just _had _to stop making her feel that way. But alas, she was supposed to be asleep. So instead she settled for grumbling and turning over, one hand sliding smoothly to where her stomach seemed to be full of Fizzing Whizbees.

The sound of shoes dropping onto the carpet preceded the warmth that soon touched her back. Muscular arms worked their way around her body, holding her closely. She felt so... safe. She wanted to close her eyes and drift away for real- but she couldn't. This was James Potter after all. The feeling of his warm breath on the back of her neck made her want to turn around and, and- quite frankly, she wasn't sure if she wanted to slap him or snog him. If she hadn't been blushing before, she sure was now. She'd definitely have to have a conversation with him about taking advantage of sleeping girls once she'd woken up.

She was just about to find an excuse to do just that when his lips found the way to her neck. After a soft kiss he slid out of the bed. "Wake up Lily," he called once his feet had crossed the room.

She put on a show of stirring and stretching. When she had opened her eyes, she found James by the door, a tray of food in his arms. Her mouth itched to call him a bloody liar (even though he hadn't directly lied, only pretended- but it'd sound so lame to call him a bloody pretender!) and yell at him for getting into bed with her. But then that'd give away the fact that she'd been awake. She wavered for a few minutes, unsure how to proceed.

"You must've been zonked." He seated himself next to her on the bed and held up a tray piled with bread and roast ham and mashed potatoes.

She inhaled gratefully, all thoughts of punishing him flooding from her mind at the smell of food. "Mm," she said, pulling the tray towards her. James watched her eat, his golden-green eyes pleased.

"You sure are cute when you suck in mashed potatoes that way," he said, his voice husky. She glared at him, and his cheeks reddened.

After she'd filled her belly, she felt much stronger. "I think I'm okay in my own room now," she told James. He nodded, unable to stop a crinkle of worry from forming between his brows, and escorted her back into her own room. She made a show of crawling up into her own bed and stretching.

"I'm still really tired," she told him. "I think I'm going to sleep for a bit longer."

"Okay," he said, and after one last glance at her, he left the room. Immediately she climbed down from her loft and placed herself solidly on her window seat. She hardly noticed that the glass had been replaced as she waited, peering out her window in a manner reminiscent of Petunia.

She didn't have long to wait. The sun was just disappearing behind the mountains when a dark form streaked down from James' balcony. This time, rather than follow him like a chicken with her head cut off, she grabbed a thick sweater and headed for his room.

Just as she'd expected, the map was still lying next to his bed. She whispered, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," into its well worn creases, and watched as the map unfolded before her eyes. Her eyes easily found James, Peter and Sirius' dots as they scurried into the secret tunnel under the Whomping Willow. She'd thought so! After a short victory dance, she wiped the map and stuck it back on his bed stand. This time she'd figure out where he was going!

She _accio_-ed another broomstick and then slid open James' balcony door. She mounted the broom with much more confidence this time and zoomed into the chilly night air. Thankfully it only took a few minutes this time for her to overcome her shakes and master the broomstick.

Lily pulled up her broom as she reached the Whomping Willow- she was wary of flying within reach of those flailing limbs. She was still circling the tree thirty minutes later in an attempt to figure out how James had managed to get inside without being beaten to a pulp, when motion near the base of the tree caught her attention.

A plump rat had scurried out of the tunnel and touched a round knot with his tiny paw. The Whomping Willow froze, and Lily's eyes widened as three much larger shapes emerged from the tunnel. The stag and his friends! Immediately, the foursome headed for the cover of the trees. Lily was torn- should she follow the animals or James?

She wavered, the stag's reddish coat shone softly in the dim light, and his bounding steps begged her to follow them. But no- she'd come to figure out what James was doing, and so that's what she'd do! After she felt the werewolf had gained enough distance from her, she floated down to the ground and prodded the knot with the end of her broomstick.

_Thank Merlin, _she thought as she scurried into the tunnel. She had just made it inside when the branches started up again with ferocity, making the trunk tremble and groan. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the broomstick harder and then turned into the darkness.

Ten long minutes later, Lily emerged from the suffocating tunnel and lit her wand in an attempt to see. The golden wand light cast long, creepy shadows over the wrecked room she found herself in. Long claw marks gouged the walls, and old chairs had been bitten so hard that stuffing was falling out.

Her pulse pounding in her ears, she tiptoed upstairs. All of the windows were boarded up and the front door was covered in a large piece of plywood, so the only logical place that James could've gone was up. When she reached the upstairs bedroom, she was almost disappointed to find it empty- and without any escape routes.

Lily was about to turn to go back downstairs when something white caught her eye- James' shirt. In four neat piles on the bed, she found all of the Marauder's clothing. James' cottony white shirt (which she'd noticed clung nicely to his pectoral muscles earlier) was lying on top of his jeans, which were lying on top of his bludger boxers and socks. Even his sneakers sat neatly on the floor near his stack of clothing.

Were the Marauders... running around naked? Lily blushed at the thought of James naked somewhere in the house. Then she remembered the werewolf and all the blood flooded from her face. Both the werewolf and James had been here... and within minutes of each other. She took in the torn cushions and boarded up windows of the bedroom and realized with a jolt- she was standing in the place that a werewolf used to transform! That feeling of having walked through a ghost was back, and a shiver danced its way up her spine.

All the while, her brain was working overtime. There were four sets of clothes here. Four animals had left the tunnel entrance. And yet she'd only seen three of the Marauders heading into the tunnel... Remus had been missing.

Suddenly it all fell into place. Remus looking peaky around full moon, James and Sirius joking about his "time of the month" and "furry little problem," the familiar brown eyes the werewolf had looked up at her with... All of it! She clasped her hands over her mouth and sunk onto the floor, sending up a cloud of dust as she reached it. _How could I have been so blind?_

So that meant... Moony the werewolf, Prongs the stag, Padfoot the dog, and Wormtail the rat. But how? Were they Animagi? Did Remus transfigure them all before he transformed...? That seemed so dangerous. What if he messed up and transformed before he'd finished? Then he'd be putting his friends in danger. Lily couldn't see Remus going for that. And if they were Animagi it was definitely as illegal ones. Pah, as if James would care about that.

But McGonagall had always said transforming was almost impossible for even adult wizards! It wasn't that James and Sirius didn't have talent but... they were just kids! And Peter was as helpless as a flubberworm when it came to magic. Then again, the Marauders had created the Marauder's Map, and that was more complex magic than any she'd ever seen. And the mirrors... Suddenly, the idea of James becoming an animagus to help out his friend didn't seem so implausible.

After what seemed like hours of puzzling and re-puzzling, Lily straightened her stiff legs and dusted herself off. She needed to get back before the sun rose and she met Remus- or worse, James- in the tunnel. Too tired to walk down the stairs, she jumped on the broom and maneuvered carefully back towards the tunnel.

It was a jumpy journey back to the Whomping Willow. Lily lurched at every sound as her imagination raced ahead of her and conjured up foaming werewolves and furious stags around every bend. As much as she loved Remus, she'd rather avoid his furry side. When she reached the opening of the tunnel she poked her head out and slapped a hand on the knot.

As soon as the branches had stiffened, she clambered onto her broom and took off into the night sky. The frigid early-October air flooded her lungs as she did a broad loop, and she had the urge to whoop with joy at the exhilaration of swooping below the distant stars. Even the sight of the grass far below hardly fazed her- she knew the Marauder's secrets, she was young and strong, and Petunia-be-damned, she could fly!

From the edge of the forest a stag watched her, his golden-green eyes soft.


	9. Friendship and Fury

Disclaimer- No jk, I'm not JK Rowling

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I do love them so! After this I'll be trekking through the woods for a week (and going to college orientation after that) so I'm not sure when your next chapter will be here. But do not fear! It will arrive eventually. Ugh, also, I just noticed typos in the beginning of chapter eight. I'm too lazy to fix them, but they bother me. (I put ascent instead of assent!) Sorry about those. Much love- your newly bespectacled author

Lily pulled on her sneakers, not bothering to lace them, and ran frantic fingers through her long reddish mane. She'd awoken that morning to find sunlight already streaming steadily through the window- and if she didn't hurry, she wasn't going to have time to eat breakfast before Advanced Charms.

She rushed out of the Head's Den and up the stairs. With her mind on whether or not she'd forgotten anything, she shoved open the trapdoor and burst out- only to collide with something hard and warm that smelled like pine and grass.

Lily grasped his forearm in an attempt to steady herself. The apology that had been rising in her throat got swallowed as thick-lashed hazel eyes met her own emerald ones. She shook her head. He'd become so many things to her in so short a time- the bane of her existence, the boy who made her feel like she'd swallowed Filibuster's fireworks, the mastermind behind the Marauder's Map... the type of friend so loyal that he'd turn himself into a deer for someone he cared about.

"I saw you flying last night," he said, his voice low, and the thought of that beautiful stag with his liquid eyes on her made her shiver.

"Er-" was the only thing she managed to get out. This was too soon! She had to talk to Remus first! She forced her mouth to make words- "late... breakfast"- before releasing his muscular arm and rushing down the stairs.

She skimmed the Daily Prophet as she ate, searching for more news about Voldemort. Nothing today. There had been another reported sighting in Surrey, but really, who knew?

Alice had almost finished her breakfast when Lily arrived. She reclined as Lily wolfed down eggs, chatting happily about how Frank Longbottom, who had graduated the year before, had complimented her on her flying. Apparently he'd been to Hogwarts on Auror-trainee business and needed to talk with Dumbledore.

"He also invited me out to lunch!" Alice said, her round face dreamy. "I never even thought he knew I existed!"

Lily put down the Prophet and smiled at her friend. She remembered the crush Alice had harbored for Frank over the years. "I always knew he liked you," she told her friend. "He always used to stare at you in the common room." Alice blushed.

Lily scooped a few more bites of eggs into her mouth before standing. "I've got to get to Charms. I'll see you for lunch."

"Bye." Alice scooted over to sit with the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Remus, Peter and Sirius were just finishing their meals at the other end of the table. Lily fiddled with the strap of her bag as she waited for Remus to stand.

"Ready?" He asked as he pushed his plate away. Lily nodded her assent and together they headed for Charms. Lily felt like she was standing on the edge of a very tall wall and looking down- her heart pumped, her palms were moist, and she couldn't push away the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Listen," she said nervously once they'd reached an empty hallway. "I need to tell-"

"No you listen, Lily," Remus cut her off. "I know you're curious about what James is doing, but some things are just better left alone. It's too dangerous-"

Lily shook her head. "No, just- just shut up for a moment! Remus, I... know. I already know."

The color drained from his face, accentuating the bags under his eyes. "Know what? What is there to know?" he asked, his voice suddenly hoarse.

"That you're a werewolf," she breathed before rushing onward. "And I don't care! I think you're great no matter what. You've always been there for me... always. And I want you to know that I'll always be there for you. No matter what you are."

Remus shook his sandy head, his chocolate eyes stunned. "How'd you know?" he whispered.

"It was pretty obvious, really. Looking sick around the full moon, Sirius and James teasing you about your 'time of the month' and 'furry little problem,' that penchant for rare steaks you seem to have." She smiled, trying to capture his gaze with her own. "I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out."

He let out a long breath. "I knew I'd have to tell you eventually. I guess this takes care of _that._" She gripped his arm, trying to reassure him that she wasn't going to run away screaming.

"I'm a Gryffindor for a reason," she reminded him.

Remus cracked a weak smile. "I guess I should've known that any girl James loved wouldn't care about... my problem."

"Pah!" she said to that. "I take it back. I'm just staying friends with you so I can steal your Transfiguration notes. In all actuality I think you're creepy." They had reached the Charms classroom, so Lily pulled open the door. Professor Flitwick, a young man who'd taken up the charms position only a few years back, watched them keenly from the stool behind his desk. Lily smiled at him before laying her things in neat rows on her desk.

Many disillusionment charms and one Wiggenweld Potion later, Lily trooped up the stairs to the Owlery, ready to buckle down on her homework.

She had just gotten settled- with her quill out and ready to go and Jasper on her lap- when James burst through the circular doorframe. His eyes lit up as he noticed her.

"You know," he accused, dropping into the chair across from her. Lily looked up from her writing, unsure what he knew she knew. Was this just about Remus or was it about all of the Marauders?

"I probably do," she admitted. "I know lots of things." She mentally patted herself on the back for her witty response.

James swallowed. Apparently he hadn't noticed her wittiness. "You know about Remus."

"Yeah, I know about that."

"How?" he asked simply, looking up at her with wide hazel eyes. Her stomach twisted.

"I figured it out. It wasn't too difficult with those hints you and Sirius drop all the time," she said calmly.

James winced. "We should probably cool it."

Lily bobbed her head in agreement. "Probably."

"It's kind of a relief to have you know," he admitted after a few moments. "I didn't like hiding something so... major from you."

She let out a long laugh. "You make it sound like I'm your wife or something. It shouldn't matter what you're hiding from me."

James' teeth gleamed white in the firelight as he grinned. "I like the sound of that." His hand twitched up towards his hair before he pulled it down into his lap.

"Well," said Lily, more cautiously this time. "If you like being honest so much... you could be a little more honest with me."

"Honesty comes at a price," said James jauntily. "Come to Hogsmeade with me and you can have all the honesty you want."

Lily swallowed hard. "I actually had something else in mind."

His grin grew. "Yeah? Like what?"

"I'd like to meet you" she paused as anticipation built in her stomach, "as a stag."

The smile slid off his face, to be replaced by a slack-jawed expression. "Er, uh, what?"

She repeated herself slowly. "I'd like to meet you in your animagus form. As a stag." Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't that.

After a few long minutes of him gaping at her, he said, "How the hell do you know?" Lily was pleased to find that he didn't sound angry- only very impressed.

"I figured it out," she told him. "Anyway, it doesn't matter how I found out. You still haven't answered my question."

He laughed. "You can't just bomb me with something like that and then expect me to be able to answer questions... Can you meet me as a stag?" he repeated. It seemed as though he was talking to himself. "You've met me that way a billion times in my dreams."

Lily blushed. "Gross," she said, trying very hard to forget that she'd had her own dream last night that had starred a certain stag.

"Can you just ask me that one more time?" James asked. "I'm not sure that it's sunk in yet."

Lily sighed. If she hadn't wanted this as badly as she did she would've said forget it. But instead, very patiently, she asked again. "Can I meet you as a stag?"

"You sure as bloody hell can!" He crowed, his eyes alight with excitement. "When would you like to?"

"Uh, well, how about Saturday morning?" The words sounded so lame coming out of her mouth. "I don't think my body can take another late night followed by an early morning any sooner than that."

"Sure! Great! Merlin, can I tell Sirius? Or at least Remus?" he jumped up and rushed out of the Head's Den without waiting for an answer. Lily shook her head, bemused. It was so easy to make him happy. And she'd expected him to be angry!

The rest of the week passed by in blips as time sped up and slowed down depending on whether Lily was looking forward to or dreading Saturday. There was something about James Potter that just made her all mixed up.

Thankfully she was busy enough that they didn't have much time to talk outside of class- she wasn't quite sure what she would say after the crescendo of their last meeting. Maybe something like, "Oh hey, can't wait to touch your antlers!" As if that wasn't completely awkward- not to mention he'd probably pee his pants in excitement.

After Astronomy Friday night, Lily obsessively trimmed her nails and shaved off her leg hair with her wand. Even as she performed those trivial actions, she couldn't explain to herself why she was doing them. It wasn't like Potter was going to be able to see her bloody legs! She'd be wearing pants! (Albeit they were pants she'd spent an entire thirty minutes selecting). Shaking her head at her own foolishness, she pulled out her favorite white sweater and set it next to the pants.

They'd agreed to meet in the Head's Den at six the next morning, and as it was getting chillier and chillier, Lily wanted to be sure she wouldn't be too busy freezing her bum off to pay attention to the stag.

When she'd first crafted the idea of asking James if she could see him in stag form she'd been having trouble connecting that the two were one and the same. She'd felt almost like James was her ticket to seeing the stag again... like he had some connection with the majestic animal. But that night, as she lay in bed, she had never been more aware that the stag was just James in a different shape. A majestic, proud form sure, but him nonetheless. After hours of imagining thousands of scenarios, Lily finally drifted to sleep.

She awoke promptly at five thirty the next day and shivered as her toes touched the cold floor. The sun was still behind the mountains, but she could see smudges of gray along the horizon. It'd be a beautiful sunrise.

Thankfully she hadn't moved much in her sleep, so her hair was still smooth and glossy. She brushed it out carefully and then pulled on the clothes she'd picked out. After a few minutes of internal debate (she didn't want James to think she'd been thinking about it) she brushed on some mascara.

Jasper twined between her ankles as she headed into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. "Oh Jasper," she sighed to the cat. "What have I gotten myself into?" His only response was to purr more loudly.

She was outside her room, with her sneakers tied up neatly and her sweater hugging her slight frame, at exactly six. From inside James' room she could hear rustling and thumping. Finally he emerged, his face red and clad in grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if he'd worn the shirt because he knew it looked good on him. That led to wondering if he was wearing boxers with broomsticks on them, or if he'd found something else that was Quidditch related.

Instead of voicing these embarrassing thoughts aloud, she said, "Aren't you going to get cold?"

He smirked at her, his teeth white against the tan of his skin. "I'll have a fur coat soon."

For some reason this sent a shiver up her spine. "Should we go?" she asked. He swung open the door to his room grandly and beckoned her through. For a moment she wondered if he was going to transform in his room... until he pulled open the door to the balcony. His broomstick leaned against the railing, catching the first rays of sunshine on its glossy handle.

James swung his leg over the broom with comfortable ease. "Hop up," he said, gesturing to the length of broom behind him.

Lily frowned. There was no way James was getting away with both a consensual date (this was not their first date- he'd magically attached their arms back in fourth year, and then dragged her to Hogsmeade) and a broom ride. So instead of slipping behind him and clinging to those broad, muscular shoulders...

"You okay Lils?" James asked, a wrinkle of concern between his eyebrows when she still hadn't responded a few minutes later.

Lily shook her head. "Just zoned out," she said, internally berating herself. With a silent charm and the wave of her wand, she summoned the broom she'd stolen last night from her room. She patted it once it'd settled in her outstretched palms, and then slipped it between her legs.

James shook his head at her before pushing off of the balcony and taking to the air. He flew like... like he was a bloody hawk or something. Lily struggled to keep up, her clumsy turns making her feel like an elephant in the air compared to his neat, smooth ones.

He followed the edge of the forest until they were out of sight of the castle. Lily's fingers were beginning to grow numb on the cold wood of her broom when he finally headed for the ground. The sun was just peeking over the tops of the trees, and the grass was wet with dew. Lily floated with her sneakers inches from the ground before landing with a sigh. Flying may have become one of her favorite things- particularly when she kept low to the ground.

"Pretty, isn't it?" James asked from behind her. Lily spun around, taking in the scenery. A clearing cut a crescent shape into the tree line of the forest, and red, yellow and orange leaves dotted the ground.

"Very pretty," she agreed. She met his eyes, feeling suddenly shy. "So, uh..."

He grinned. "I take it you're ready."

She nodded, her eyes still on him as she waited for the transformation. For a moment they stood there, staring awkwardly at one another. Then, to Lily's surprise, James' cheeks reddened.

"I actually have to go...er, take off my clothes. I could keep them on, but I always manage to mess it up when I'm transforming back... and I'd rather not lose another shirt." Now it was Lily's turn to blush.

"Go ahead," she said, concentrating very hard on a leaf that had just fluttered to the ground so that no unwanted thoughts would spring into her mind.

He gave her a weak smile before melting into the thick underbrush of the forest. After the sound of clothing being stripped from skin and a few rustles, he emerged from between the trees.

Lily could barely smother a gasp as he picked his way toward her. His reddish coat gleamed in the early morning sun, and his ears swiveled to keep track of both the sounds of the forest and her. Velveteen antlers stretched toward the sky, and below them, intelligent hazel eyes studied her.

"Prongs," Lily whispered as she stumbled forward to meet him. The magnificent animal lowered his head in greeting. She held out her hand (which was what she did for all strange animals) and instead of sniffing it like she'd expected, his pink tongue shot out and traced a slimy line across her palm.

"Ew, Potter!" she complained, rubbing the saliva into his thick coat. Merlin was he soft! Without thinking about it, she traced her hand down his neck again, relishing the feel of his silky fur. He leaned into the motion, tilting his head towards her as she fell to scratching behind his antlers. She laughed before sinking into the grass next to his cloven hooves.

Gracefully, the animal turned in a circle before tucking his own legs under him. He laid his chin on the ground, his liquid eyes staring up at her. She smiled at him before reaching out a tentative hand toward his antlers. Sensing her intentions, he tilted his head and met her halfway.

She sighed as her fingers traced their velvety coating. Her fingers found their way to the thick coat on his neck, and she made lines in the plush fur as she combed her fingers through. His body was so warm! She could practically feel him radiating heat.

Drawn towards the warmth that his body promised, she inched closer, until her side was resting against the solid bulk of his back. The stag let out a long breath before twisting so that his head was in her lap.

"Mm, you're so warm," she told him, and he shifted his weight closer to her. For a long while they sat in the clearing, listening to the sounds of the forest as Lily's fingers traveled over his antlers and neck.

If some lucky muggle had stumbled into the clearing on that morning, he would've been met by a delightful sight- a pretty girl sitting cross-legged among the fading meadow grasses, her hair the same color as the reddish leaves in the trees, with an animal the color of autumn curled around her. His chin rested on one of her worn white tennis shoes, and his antlers jutted up past her shoulder. She had her arm wrapped around his neck, and her fingers curled and uncurled in his silky coat, her emerald eyes glimmering. That muggle would've stumbled, dazed, back to his family and insisted that he'd seen the goddess Artemis sitting in a clearing in the woods. Perhaps he'd even have been inspired to paint a painting.

Thankfully, besides a squirrel and a few songbirds, Lily and James were the only souls aware of their quiet morning spent in the woods.

Finally, after her legs were numb and clumsy with cold- she'd fallen to telling him stories about home; there was just something about his eyes that drew them out of her- she stood up. The sun was high in the sky now, but the air was still chilly around them. Lily drew her sweater closer to her body with a shiver.

The stag rose fluidly to his feet, er, hooves. After a last look in her direction, he bounded with agile speed into the forest. A few minutes later, and the familiar figure of James Potter returned, framed by the same two trees the stag had stood between only minutes ago.

He made his way toward her, and this time Lily could see the stag in his gracefulness... in the way he held his shoulders back. Even in the caution with which he approached her. When he was standing within feet of her, she looked up to find the stag staring out of him in those pretty hazel eyes.

Later on, she liked to say that's why she had hugged him then. Why she had wrapped her arms around his torso and felt hard muscle and thin cotton where before there'd been fur. James stared at her, the sharp line of his jaw tense, his eyes guarded.

"Was that a thank you?" he asked, his voice hoarse, after she'd released him.

Lily blushed. "Yeah, I guess so. But it was for Prongs. I like him so much better than you." She stuck out her tongue at him.

He pretended to look dejected. And then he grabbed his broomstick from where he'd left it in the grass and zoomed off, calling "Betcha can't catch me, Evans!" She found herself wondering if she'd imagined the guarded look in his eyes after she'd hugged him.

Lily shook her head and slowly mounted the old school broom. She knew for a fact that she couldn't catch him. But nevertheless, she took off into the sky and trailed him, pretending not to notice he was letting her catch up.

They reached his balcony windswept and cold. "You're getting to be a pretty good flier!" he told her.

"Thanks. I'm actually starting to like it when I don't look down." They headed inside, and Lily stretched out her arms as the warmth of the castle eased the ache in her bones. James hesitated when they reached the Head's Den. With his head slightly bowed, his cheeks flushed red from the wind, and his windswept hair (ugh, it did look good) he looked like he'd walked right off the pages of a magazine. Just then Lily realized how close they were standing.

He bent down towards her, his eyes slightly unfocused, his lips parted. All she'd have to do to make contact with them was stand on her tiptoes. And she was startled to find that she _wanted _to. She wanted to taste him, to find out if his mouth tasted like pine and wind...

She shook her head to clear her head and took a quick step back. "I, uh," she stammered, "I have to finish a letter." She was still close enough to him that she saw hurt flash in his eyes. But she just couldn't... there was a war going on! She couldn't afford love! And she didn't _like _feeling like she had swallowed Filibuster's fireworks. He made her feel out of control of her own body! And he was- was... she tried to pull up the various insults she'd called him throughout the years, but for some reason they no longer seemed to apply.

She gave him a weak smile, and then dashed into her room. She had never wanted the fairytale ending that featured in most of her books. She wanted to be remembered for who _she _was, not how great her love was! She heard footsteps outside her door, and James peeked his head in.

"Thanks for giving me a chance," he said with a smile. "Do you mind if I go tell Sirius, Remus and Peter about it?"

She laughed. "You're actually asking? Go ahead, I don't care." Actually she did care. She cared very much. Sirius hated her, and it had been a private, innocent moment. He'd definitely twist it into something else. But she didn't know if she could stand making James hurt again.

Enthusiasm rejuvenated, he beamed at her. "Great!" he said, before bounding out of the Head's Den.

With a smile, she pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and her quill. This time she addressed it to her best friend from pre-Hogwarts days- Amanda. She was dying to tell someone about the Marauders being Animagi and Remus being a werewolf. But she knew that if she let it leak to someone at Hogwarts, soon it'd be spread all over the school. And she'd been meaning to send something to Amanda, who loved receiving owls and was fascinated by magic.

When she'd finished putting all of her thoughts into the letter, she stuck it in an envelope and licked it. The letter she'd penned to her dad earlier still sat on her desk, so she grabbed that and then headed for the Owlery.

She had just attached the letters to a handsome tawny owl's leg, along with explicit instructions not to return until Amanda had returned her letter, when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

As a black-haired head came into view her heart leapt- only to fall when she saw grey eyes instead of hazel. Sirius Black.

"Hullo, Evans," he said pleasantly enough. "Would you mind sitting with me for a tick?" he gestured to the stairs, which were cleaner than the Owlery floor.

Lily eyed him warily. "First tell me what you want with me," she said, cursing herself for leaving her wand next to her desk.

"We need to talk about James." His grey eyes were serious as he sat down on the top stair and patted the spot beside him. Reluctantly, she followed suit.

"What about him?" she asked, pushing a lock of red hair behind her ear.

"Well actually, I'm going to talk about him, and you're going to listen. And you will not tell James that I spoke with you."

"Okay," said Lily dubiously. "I'll listen."

"Good." He took a deep breath, "Imagine this. You're an eleven-year-old boy, and you see the girl of your dreams. She's pretty and smart and funny, and she reminds you of all the good things about your mom, and as juvenile as it is at that point, you want to marry her. But somehow, you get off on the wrong foot, and she ends up hating your guts. You already know you're done for- that she's it for you, so you do everything you can to impress her. You do well in classes and Quidditch, you ruffle your hair a lot because someone told you she likes it that way, and you ask her out every chance you get. Now, you're still young. And you were an only child, so you don't have the maturity to know that you're going about it the wrong way. All you know is that you're in love, and she hates your guts. And it hurts. Sometimes you cry at night after she's said something particularly mean, when you think everyone else is asleep. You wish more than anything that you didn't love her, but you have no choice, so you have to keep trying.

Through the years, you gain maturity. You begin to realize that you aren't going to get her by ruffling your hair and making fun of her friends. But she doesn't seem to see the change- she still insults you every chance she gets, and just your presence will set her off. This hurts even more, because you can see why she hates you now, and you even begin to hate yourself. You work hard to change, to think before you speak, and to be responsible. It's hard, it takes years, but maturity helps. Even then, she doesn't seem to notice that you aren't the same boy who sat in the train compartment with her First year. You've grown harder, tougher, but even still, on bad days she can make you cry. And boy do you cry, like the sky is falling down, like the world is ending. Because all you know is that there's a hollow in your chest that only she can fill, and it's always going to be there, because she hates you.

And then, something miraculous happens. You become Head Boy. You're living in close quarters with her, and she's forced to work with you. Now you can prove to her that you're worth it- that you deserve a chance... that you've changed. Things are a little better. She listens when you speak, and she doesn't always shout insults at you. Being the clever witch that she is, she discovers your deepest darkest secrets- the things that you're most proud of. And she doesn't even tear them down- she lets you be proud. All of a sudden, she wants to be with you. She wants to be with you in a way that's extremely personal and intimate for you, and you're happy. You're so happy you can't stop grinning, and you look like a fool. She wants to be with you! You! So you go with her, you show her your secrets. She even touches you willingly, and hugs you afterward. When you get back, you run to your friends. You tell them 'she actually wanted to be close to me!' and 'the way she looked at me, Merlin!' You're speechless with joy. You want to sing, to dance, to soar up to the moon and bring it back to her. You'd do anything for her, and it's always been that way. You cry again, but this time it's with happiness- you can practically feel the ache disappearing, the years of pain being erased."

Lily looked up as he stopped speaking, waiting for him to continue. Tears had welled in her eyes as he spoke, and she could feel sharp self-loathing fill her chest. Sirius studied her mercilessly for a moment before he went on. "And you know what? I'm afraid, that you being the selfish little bitch that you are, you're going to take it all back. Pull the rug out from under him. And now that you've given him that tiny bit of hope, it's going to kill him. And I swear, Evans, if you do that to him, if you crush him like that, I'll never forget it. I'll make you feel the way he's felt the past seven years for the rest of your life. He deserves so much better than you. He deserves someone who recognizes how great he is, who loves him and cares for him- who would never make him feel like gum under someone's shoe."

With that he stood and walked coolly out of the Owlery, leaving Lily alone to watch as her tears met the dust and feathers on the floor.


	10. Love and Lies

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.

A/N- Thanks so much for the reviews! If this is posted, then I've survived the wilderness and my first few weeks of college

Six months later... Yes I survived the wilderness! You all probably think I got eaten by a bear, but I assure you, it was my homework and friends that ate me instead.

That night Lily hid in her room. When she'd first walked into the Head's Den, James had been snuggled up in one of the armchairs with Jasper on his lap. As he saw her, a brilliant grin lit up his face. And then he noticed her red, puffy eyes, and the smile slid away. She did her best not to grimace at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice hushed. The sight of those hazel eyes, so full of worry, brought the lump back to her throat.

She swallowed, trying to force it away. "Nothing," she lied. Her voice broke in the middle of the word. She'd promised Sirius she wouldn't tell and so she wouldn't. "I... I'll talk to you later, okay?"

He stood up, sending Jasper to the floor. "Did I do something?" he asked, alarmed.

"No! No, you were... great. Are great. It's nothing." She slipped into her room and closed the door as soon as Jasper had trotted in behind her, leaving a bewildered James in the Head's Den.

She climbed up to her bed and slid between the cool sheets. The soft cotton of her pillow felt good against her irritated eyes. Jasper climbed up the rungs of the ladder one by one and nestled into the space under her chin.

"I'm a horrible person," she told the cat. Not once, in the years of fighting and bickering and insults, had she considered that what she said got through James' thick skull. That it actually _hurt _him. "I deserved everything that Sirius said." Jasper pushed his cold nose against her neck and purred harder.

The worst part of it was that James really wasn't conceited or mean or an insufferable toerag- at least not any more. Now, he was... brilliant. He was a bloody Animagus, for Merlin's sake. He'd created the Marauder's Map; one of the most complex magical items she'd ever seen. He did his duty as Head Boy, and upheld the standards of Hogwarts admirably. He was a natural leader and teacher. All of the younger kids on the Quidditch team loved him. Not to mention the fact that, as much as she hated to admit it, he was bloody gorgeous. And rich. She'd heard rumors that he was very rich. But he, well... he loved... her. He loved her! Middleclass, mudblood Lily Evans. He had everything in the world going for him, and he wanted to waste it on _her. _Forget brilliant. He was bloody crazy.

She wondered what he was doing now. Had he gone back to reading? Was he thinking about her? The thought sent a shiver up her spine. She wondered if he knew she was thinking about him. No, probably not. Not after she'd spent the past six years making sure that the very idea of being civil towards him seemed ludicrous.

The moon was high in the sky when Lily finally slipped off to sleep. But even asleep, it seemed she couldn't get him out of her head. She dreamt that she was standing in the forest with a bow clutched in her fingers. She crouched, hearing the crunch of leaves ahead of her, and a massive black spider emerged from a copse of trees. She pulled an arrow out of the quiver on her back, fitted it to the bow, and sent it flying. It punched through the monster's hairy chest, and the insect dropped to the ground, a high-pitched scream bursting from between its pincers.

As she approached it, it began to change. Black, wiry hair turned sleek and soft. Antlers sprouted from where pincers once were, and slender legs kicked at the air in pain. Prongs lay on the pine needle coated ground before her, red blood seeping from a wound in his chest.

"No," she whispered, horrified. The stag looked up at her with those golden-green eyes, and she felt the pain as he felt it- a sharp throbbing where her heart was. Where her heart had been. She looked down at her chest, and saw the gaping wound, the ragged flesh. She curled up between Prongs' legs. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to end this way." Just as her eyesight was beginning to dim, she woke up. The room was still bathed in shadow, so she rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next morning she awoke feeling nervous. And not in the I-noticed-your-arm-muscles-and-felt-like-I-swallowed-Filibuster's-Fireworks way either, but rather the full-blown butterflies, jittery legs and a dry mouth way.

She took special care when pulling on her uniform, smoothing out all of the creases and wrinkles with her wand, and fiddling with it until it lay perfectly across her shoulders. Then she used a charm on her hair so that it fell out of the knots it'd been snarled in. A few brushes of mascara later, and she still felt like there was an angry toad living in her stomach.

After a quick scan for James, she emerged from her room. Thankfully it looked like the Head's Den was boy-free. Lily tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear, and then headed for the Great Hall. If she hadn't been starving, she probably would've skipped breakfast. There was too much of a possibility of seeing a certain Marauder there.

The Gryffindor table was empty. She was up early for a Sunday, and it'd be a few hours until students began filing in. She sat down, pleased with her morning-person instincts that forced her to wake up before eight every morning, and helped herself to some toast and jam. Jasper jumped up beside her, his brushy tail erect.

Lily was halfway through her first piece of toast when a messy head of black hair caught her eye. Her heart leapt. James? But what was he doing at the Ravenclaw table? Her eyes traveled from the back of his head to across the table, where a pretty sixth year girl was sitting. The girl blushed at something James had said, and a flame lit in Lily's stomach, incinerating the butterflies.

Who was _she? _Lily felt as though she recognized her from somewhere... Slug Club perhaps? The truth be told, she could hardly remember the names of everyone in the Gryffindor house, let alone the names of students in Ravenclaw. But still, she felt like this was the sort of girl you noticed- with her blonde hair pulled into artistic braids and perfectly straight teeth.

What had happened to James being in love with _her_? Lily felt slightly nauseous as she listened to James' deep chuckle. Great, so pretty girl was funny too. She hardly ever made him laugh- according to Sirius the only thing she was capable of doing was making him cry. No wonder he liked blondie better.

She must have been staring pretty hard, because before long James turned around and scanned the Hall. His eyes lit up as they met hers, and Lily couldn't help but blush. _I'm just as pathetic as blonde girl, _she thought as James got up and her mood rocketed skyward. She took a big gulp of orange juice as he sat down.

"Good morning," he said pleasantly. His eyes crinkled upward at the ends as he smiled, and her stomach turned over.

She smiled back at him. "Morning. Who's that?"

For a split second his forehead crinkled in confusion. "Oh!" he said, his expression clearing. "That's Magenta. She's... helping me out with something."

"With something?" repeated Lily, suspicious.

James laughed easily. "Relax, nothing the Head Boy shouldn't be doing."

She did her best to look relieved, but ended up with a pained expression. _Right._ _I'm supposed to be worried about the rules._

She chewed in silence for a few minutes, her mind intent on the heat of his body next to her. As he leaned forward, she caught a strong whiff of pine and her stomach clenched. "W-what are you doing today?" The words slipped out.

"I was thinking about going to Hogsmeade. I need new... shoes."

"Oh really? Do you need company? I'm fresh out of potions supplies." Her mind drifted to the lone rattail that was curled in her kit.

James' cheeks flushed. "Actually you know... Magenta was going to come with me."

Lily could feel her own cheeks redden. "Oh," she said, directing her gaze up to where the sun was just peeking through the clouds in the ceiling. She pasted a smile on her face before meeting his gaze again. "Well have fun!"

"I'll be back in time for dinner though, if you'd like to join me then." Hope glinted in his eyes. She looked down to where her plate sat, empty and sparsely littered with crumbs. She felt like her plate. Empty.

"Uh, you know, I promised Alice I'd eat with her tonight. I wouldn't want to blow her off." In truth, Lily had barely thought of her friend since the night in the meadow. Guilt stabbed her stomach. Sirius was right- she _was _selfish. She didn't even care about her own friends! _Selfish and jealous, _a little part of her whispered as across the room a shaft of sunlight lit up Magenta's blonde head like a halo.

"Okay." His voice was nonchalant, but- was it just her imagination, or did his mouth looked slightly pinched? "No big deal."

"Ready James?" The voice was light and musical. Lily turned to see Magenta standing behind them.

"Sure," he said, and swung his legs over the bench. "I'll see you Lily." He gave her a goofy grin and then strode off with Magenta at his side. Lily studied his retreating back, trying not to admire the way his shoulders filled out his shirt.

After scraping the last crumbs off her plate, she shoved away from the table and headed toward the Gryffindor Common Room. The hallways leading to the Fat Lady were filled with memories- there was the spot the Marauders had set off a dungbomb in third year, and there was the corner she and Alice had spied on the Head Boy and his girlfriend snogging... and in first year, Peeves had hid in that suit of armor and sang dirty songs...

She was just rounding the corner towards the portrait when Alice practically knocked her off her feet. "Lily?" she asked, startled.

"I was just looking for you! I wanted to see if you'd like to come to dinner with me tonight."

"Oh!" Color flooded Alice's cheeks. "Actually I have another date with Frank..." She sounded truly forlorn, so instead of voicing the sadness that was welling up inside her, Lily slung an arm around her friend's shoulders.

"So it's going well then?"

Alice smiled. "Yes, I'd say it's going well... quite well."

"You have to fill me in! I feel as though it's been ages since we last spoke."

"I suppose we've both been busy. I was just heading down to the library, if you'd like to walk with me." For the first time, Lily noticed that her arms were folded around two heavy looking books.

"I'd love to," she said, baring her teeth in what was supposed to be a grin. They headed toward the stairs, and Lily listened silently as Alice chatted about Frank and Quidditch. When Alice had turned into the library, Lily paused awkwardly. She didn't have anything to study, and she'd finished all her homework yesterday. She glanced out the window, pretending to be admiring the view while students swept by her, and her eyes fell on Hagrid's cabin, with the massive pumpkins swelling up from behind it.

That was it! She'd visit Hagrid! With dutiful steps, she made her way out of the castle and onto the grounds. The leaves crunched beneath her feet, and the wind had a bite to it. Winter was coming, she knew. Soon the lake would freeze over and they'd be able to go ice-skating. Unbidden the image of James and that girl skating clumsily over the lake sprang to her mind. The thought burned like fire, and she did her best to shake it away.

Hagrid greeted her happily at the door and invited her in for tea. He had found an injured niffler in his garden, and the creature lay in a basket near the door, its whiskers perking up at the sight of the silver ring on her finger.

"Yeh usually couldn' keep em inside," the half-giant told her as she pulled out one of the rough-hewn chairs. "Bu' this'en en't feeling up to dashing about." As Hagrid got up to make tea, Lily had the sudden urge to tell him about her feelings for James. He and James were close... the Marauders had been running off to visit Hagrid ever since their first year, and if anyone knew what she should do, surely it was him.

"Hagrid?" She began, tentative and feeling shy.

"Yeh, Lily?" He asked without turning around, though Lily heard his hands pause as he poured liquid into the mugs.

"I need some advice, about James." At this he turned around, almost slopping hot tea over the countertop. As he sat down, she continued. "I talked to Sirius the other night-"

Hagrid's face tensed. "-Sirius can be a bi' harsh sometimes," he told her.

"I know, but I think I needed to hear it... I had no idea-" her voice broke, "no idea how much I'd affected James over the years... and I'm beginning to see that he's really changed."

The half-giant cast her a knowing glance. "Yeh love 'im, don' you?"

She blushed. "I didn't say that! I don't think I.." she trailed off, thinking it over, remembering the way his touch set off fireworks in her skin, the way every glance he cast at another girl lit a fire in her stomach. Maybe she _did _love him... Her heart thumped uneasily in her chest, and for the second time in a minute, blood flooded her face. She did love him! She shook her head, stupefied. When, how had that happened? Should she tell him? Merlin's beard, she, Lily Evans, loved James Potter! She loved him! Her stomach jumped with happiness, her heart suddenly racing. A small voice at the back of her head whispered maliciously in her ear that maybe it was one huge joke... maybe Sirius had just been playing with her.

But she'd seen that burning, intense look in his eyes when she'd hugged him. There was no way she'd imagined that. She loved him, and he loved her too. "Maybe I do," she whispered finally. "But... what should I do?"

Hagrid's beard twitched as he smiled. "Tell 'im. You'll make 'im the happiest man in th' world."

The idea hit Lily with the force of the Knight bus. She _could _tell him, now that she knew. She could put all of this right, fix everything, make up for the hurt she'd caused him over the years. She jumped out of her chair, spilling her tea. "You're right!" she gasped. "I-I have to tell him!"

Then she was off, racing for the door. "Sorry about the tea!" she called over her shoulder. Hagrid grinned and waved her on.

How should she tell him? She pondered the question as she ran toward the castle, her white sneakers crunching the leaves underfoot. Should she go to Hogsmeade? Or write him a letter? Or wait at the Head's Den for when he got back?

She had made it to the steps when she remembered. He was with Magenta. She felt as though someone had popped the balloon of happiness swelling inside her with the tip of his quill. Maybe it was best to wait...

Feeling forlorn, she climbed up the stairs to the Head's Den so that she could reread her History of Magic essay on the Centaur Wars for the third time. Once there, she curled up in her favorite chair, her eyes pasted to the essay in an effort to keep her unruly brain away from the topic of James. It took three times as long for to finish reading the thing, especially because she kept getting up to check the window to see if any of the students had returned from Hogsmeade yet. Finally, she gave up and made string sprout of the tip of her wand for Jasper. It was much easier to forget about the Head Boy while she was watching her fluffy cat's antics as he attempted to catch the tiny, sparkling string. Finally, after hours of playing with Jasper, she dozed off, curled up in her armchair with the cat in her lap.

It was the soft sound of breathing that woke her later. She sat up to find that the fire had burned low, and that James was sitting in the armchair opposite her, a purring Jasper in his lap and an intense look in his eyes. She felt her stomach twist. "James, I-"

But he cut her off, putting Jasper gently on the ground and standing. "You don't have to say anything," he said softly, crossing the room towards her. Her heart felt like a bludger straining to escape its bindings. For a split second, she imagined that Hagrid had told him what she'd said earlier. He knelt before her. Was he going to ask her to marry him? Pleasant chills raced down her back, and her stomach tightened. "Sirius told me what he said to you."

_Oh_, she thought, let down. _Oh_.

"And Lily, I'm so, so sorry," his eyes bored into hers. _Sorry for what? Was it a lie? _She imagined someone had carved her heart out. "He never should have told you those things. You were never meant to know... I- I hope he didn't hurt you." He looked strangely fragile as he stretched a hand toward her face, and then wavered. Without thinking she pressed her cheek into his palm, reveling in the tingle his fingertips left on her skin.

His hazel eyes squeezed shut behind his glasses, in pain or pleasure, Lily couldn't tell. Her mind seemed to have temporarily disconnected from her body, because suddenly she'd slid off of the chair and was sitting nearly in his lap. His eyes flew open, pupils dilated with surprise. Her lower abdomen was flooded with heat, hot, silky, heat at his proximity.

"Lily," he whispered, studying her face. "Lily, I-" But she didn't give him time to speak. Instead she leaned forward, and kissed him.

A deep, throaty groan rumbled in his throat, and he pulled her closer, hands hungrily working their way into her hair, feeling the curve of her waste. He tasted like mint and forest, and James, pure James. She hardly noticed as he pushed her to the floor, pinning her down with his, hard, muscular body. "Merlin, Lily," he moaned as he fought for breath. Gently, his hands found her shoulders and pushed her away. "We shouldn't do this right now..."

Lily's vivid green eyes searched his, confused, then hurt. Didn't he want her as badly as she wanted him? "Why not?"

"I don't- I don't want-"

But suddenly it had clicked in her mind. She scrambled to her feet, cutting him off. "It's Magenta, isn't it? You never really liked me... It was all one big joke!" She bolted for her room.

"No, Lily!" he gasped, startling Jasper as he pushed one of the armchairs out of the way. He pounded at her door, unaware that she'd already disappeared the glass in her window, _accio_-ed a broomstick and streaked off toward the grounds.

While she was soaring over the lake, her tears mingling with the frigid water below, he was pouring his heart out to her door, explaining that he'd asked Magenta to help him make her a Christmas present as a surprise, saying he'd do anything to make her feel better, and _Oh Lily, won't you come out?_


	11. Whispers and Whimpers

Disclaimer: Don't own it!

A/N: You lucky dogs. I'm forsaking my reading for class to do this.

(Two months later): Sorry guys. I'm an awful author, I know. College was busy and I have my own novel to work on and my dogs were so cute once I got back so I had to take them hiking... I have a million more excuses for you too. But I did sacrifice my reading for class a few months ago to write what I have so far!

The next few weeks were defined by silence. The silence that greeted James each time his eyes fell on Lily, the silence that pooled in the common room, the hallways, the classrooms. The silence of Lily's tears when she tried to fall asleep at night and instead found herself imagining James only meters away in his bed, staring up at the glowing stars on the ceiling, perhaps thinking about Magenta.

Because he hadn't stopped talking with her: rather it seemed that Lily's accusation had only fueled the way they spoke, whispering furiously in the corridors, a mad, passionate glint in James' eye, as if he wished to prove something once and for all. And it wasn't as though they were touching, or kissing or that James seemed particularly happy to speak with her (and if Lily's eyes had been just a bit clearer, she would've seen that James grew stiff and uncomfortable whenever Magenta placed a hand on his arm, or gave him a smile from across the Great Hall).

It also seemed that the Marauders were trying to make up for their friend's depression in rambunctiousness. Plagues and pranks had rained down on the castle for the past two weeks, targeting everyone from Professor McGonagall to Filch. On Monday, a lucky Ravenclaw stumbled into the trophy room for detention and found that the entire place had been ransacked by marauding nifflers (the chaos was then preserved for when the perpetrators were found, and the Ravenclaw got off scot-free). Yet no one could catch the nifflers, and they paraded through the halls, accosting students for their shiny wristwatches and stealing sickles.

Although she'd never admit it, when she stumbled into the prefect's bathroom to find that the bath had been turned into solid jello, un-_evanesco_-able, she threw her head back and roared with laughter. And the entire transfiguration class roared likewise, when it sat down to find that someone had used a permanent-sticking-charm to stick a massive portrait of McGonagall picking her nose to the wall.

The entire school was full of boisterous spirits, bolstered by the upcoming Halloween feast and many pranks. The only two people who didn't seem to be looking forward to the feast were James and Lily. It wasn't hard to find Lily lately: when she wasn't shut up in her room, she was in the library, curled up in the red armchair with yellow flowers next to the charms section, her eyes scanning some ancient, dusty tome and her hand absentmindedly petting Jasper (who had charmed the librarian and so was allowed to come and go).

James on the other hand, was keeping on the move, sticking to secret passageways rather than the halls, and taking to the sky whenever life got to be too much for him. On one these evenings, he was racing into a bright pink sunset, when something suddenly grabbed the tail of his broom. Heart in his mouth, James twisted in midair, his hand flying to his where his wand had been tucked into his waistband.

It was Sirius, his long limbs dangling from a narrow broomstick, his face grim with worry. "You know you really shouldn't be flying past school boundaries alone. You've heard about the latest attacks."

James gave a half-hearted smirk. "And who'd think you'd be the one to warn me?"

"I'm not warning you. I'm just giving you a cheery old, 'Bring me next time!'"

"Yeah, yeah. What're you here for anyway? Trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I actually wanted to speak with you... about Lily. It's no use trying to pretend nothing happened. Everyone can tell. So your options are that I either go about fulfilling my promise that I'd make the rest of her life awful, or I get the story from you."

James grimaced. "This time I bulloxed things up, and if you dare mention anything to her, I swear I'll tell Moaning Myrtle you're in love with her."

Sirius' face grew serious. "Merlin mate, that's a heavy threat. Now go on."

"Lily kissed me," James began, taking a deep breath of the chilly evening air. "A week ago. But I stopped her, I felt like I was taking advantage of her or she was out of her right mind or something. And she took that as me rejecting her... and brought up Magenta..."

"James," the word was a groan, drawn out and disappointed.

"And then she left. Ran into her room and wouldn't say a word. I tried to explain it all to her through the door, but she was silent, absolutely silent. I don't even know if she was there. Later, when Jasper tried to get in she wouldn't open the door, and she always opens it for him."

"You do still love her don't you?"

"Of course! How could I not...? How could-"

Sirius cut him off. "Well you're talking to Magenta still. If you wanted to prove to Lily that you don't care about blondie," he said the word scornfully, "then you'd do better to ignore her."

"But I need to finish the project! So I can show Lily what we were really doing the whole time!"

"You're such a dunderhead. That's what you have me for! Wrangling the women that want to crawl all over you! You tell me what needs to be done, and I'll handle Magenta."

James looked reluctant. "I kind of wanted it to be just between me and Lily once it's unveiled-"

"Trust me, there won't be a 'between you and Lily' if you keep this up."

He sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll tell you what the plan is."

They turned back toward the castle, the sunset turning their windblown figures into dark silhouettes.

Meanwhile, Lily was curled up in her usual spot in the library, fingers trailing Jasper's furry head.

"Lily." Her head shot up at the sound of her name. It was Remus, looking tired as he maneuvered his way through the maze of bookshelves. "It took me forever to find you... why'd you have to choose the farthest possible spot to study?"

She shot him a severe look. "So people wouldn't interrupt me." But then she smiled, unable to let her words fall on him without softening the impact first. "What do you need?"

"I was actually wondering if you needed anything. I haven't seen you in the dining hall lately, and-"

"I'm fine, Remus really. James sh- I mean, I know how to get into the kitchens. I'm not starving."

He sighed and sat down on the floor near her feet, pulling Jasper into his lap. The cat rubbed up against his chin. "That's the other thing. James."

"What about him?"

"Well, it's probably just my animal instincts talking... but maybe you need to talk to him. About whatever happened. It could've just been a misunderstanding, you know."

"What do you mean about whatever happened? Nothing happened."

"Right, because it's normal for two perfectly mature people go from being friends to ignoring each other in the span of a day. My instincts never lie," he said, seeing her face stiffen. "I know something's wrong, and I know that talking about it could help."

Lily shook her head, unable to speak for fear that she'd burst in to tears again. "He doesn't want me," she whispered finally. "And that's okay. I'll respect his wishes."

"Just listen to him, okay? If he tries to talk to you," He shifted uncomfortably at the sight of her glimmering green eyes. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, he jumped to his feet and dropped Jasper lightly in her lap. "Think about it," he said, before disappearing between the bookshelves and leaving Lily alone with her thoughts again.

And she did think about it, although the conclusion she came to was not one that would've pleased Remus. After hours of crafting a beautiful essay on the uses of levitating toadstools in potions, she had come to a decision.

She would listen to James if he tried to speak with her. She would be his best friend, if that was what he wanted. He'd spent year after year chasing her, feeling the pain of unrequited love. She could at least grant him her tolerance and friendship for this last year. But she wouldn't date him. She would never let it go beyond friendship-she'd had a taste of heartbreak and didn't want another bite of it for the rest of her life.

That night she joined Alice for dinner, even allowing her old friend to lead them to a seat within feet of the Marauders. During the Head meeting afterward she made eye contact with James for the first time in a week, and didn't speak solely to the Prefects grouped around them. It was small, slow progress, but it was something, and Lily began to feel like she was living again.

Once the sun had begun to slip behind the mountains that night, she grabbed a broomstick and headed out her window. After a few loops and dives, her cheeks were flushed, her hair streaming behind her like a red flame, and her heart beat quickly in her chest. She had just angled the broom for another dive, something that still tickled her fear of heights, when she spotted a dark haired figure below.

Her stomach fluttered as though she'd swallowed a snitch. James? She crouched low over her broomstick and zoomed behind the cover of a tree, only meters from the person. Peering between two branches, she could just make out Sirius' glossy locks. He was looking down, talking to someone shorter than him. She leaned closer, listening despite herself and caught a snatch of conversation-

"He's very sorry. I'm going to be handling things from now on..."

"But-"

"He really is sorry. He said you're very nice. It's just, something more important came up."

"And yet he still wants the picture?" It was a girl, and she sounded angry, disappointed.

"Of course. And we'll still pay you handsomely for it." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"But... it wasn't about the pay. It was about..."

"I know. I know, you liked him. He knew it too. That's why you're talking to me now." _Oh Sirius, _thought Lily with exasperation. _Always so sympathetic._ She wondered who the "he" was that he kept mentioning.

_SNAP. _A loud crack rang out through the air, and Lily darted back on the broomstick. She'd put too much weight on a branch, and it'd snapped. Sirius and the girl had stopped talking, and Lily could imagine their eyes searching the canopy for an intruder. Holding her breath, she backed into the forest. As she flew she caught a glimpse of a long blonde braid... Magenta!

As soon as she'd reached the cover of the trees, her mind began whirring. If that was Magenta, then Sirius was probably talking about James... Did that mean James didn't like her back? And what in Merlin's name was the picture?

Those questions haunted Lily for the next few days, popping up whenever she saw either the Marauders or Magenta. The conversation she'd overheard between Sirius and Magenta also seemed to match up-where as before James and Magenta had spent hours whispering together after and before classes, now it was Sirius doing the whispering. James hardly seemed to look at the blonde girl as he breezed by her in the corridors, leaving her pink faced and flustered.

He was still looking at Lily though, she noted with triumph. His eyes slid over her, as warm and rough as a thestral's tongue as he watched her in the library, muscular shoulders highlighted by the light of his wand even under his robes, chin propped in one large hand. He had never stopped looking at her. The difference was, she had stopped looking back at him.

And Merlin did she miss looking at him. She missed the flash of intelligence in his hazel eyes as he understood something, the way his pecs pressed up against his shirts, how his hair fell onto his forehead in a graceful arc and grazed the back of his neck, silkier than a unicorn's mane. The twitch of his jaw muscle when he was frustrated, the strong line of his chin, his squared fingertips; the list could go on forever.

That night, Lily curled up in her old favorite armchair in the common room-a place she'd been avoiding since her blowout with James. _I am not doing this so that I can look at him_, she told herself firmly as she invited Jasper up into her lap. _I just want to establish that this is my home too._ She looked around the Head's den, taking in the empty mug of hot chocolate next to James' chair, the untidy stacks of parchment, and a cauldron simmering with greenish liquid.

He sure had taken over while she'd been hiding out in the library. But she'd missed the Head's den, with its cozy ceiling and squat desks. And she wasn't going to let her fear of James keep her away. She cracked open her transfiguration textbook-they were working on object to animal changes, and she'd been struggling to make her rabbits look less slipper-like. They always ended up with soles on the bottoms of their paws.

She'd just stumbled on a gem of information-swish at the end of the spell, not twirl!-when James stumbled through the round doorway, a wiggling sack dangling from his hand. He didn't notice her at first-"Essence of Niffler... but that could mean anything... fur, toenails, blood," he was saying to himself, staring in frustration at a book in his hand. Then he looked up, and his eyebrows shot into his bangs with surprise.

For a moment, he hesitated near the door. And then with a cautious glance at Lily, he made his way over to his own armchair on the other side of the fire.

Lily did her best to keep her eyes on her book, but the letters had turned into an unreadable blur before her eyes, and she could feel her cheeks heating up at the thought of James so close. She watched in her peripheral vision as he pulled a niffler out of the bag and held it pinned against his side. The creature immediately latched onto his golden wristwatch, and snuffled happily at it. "_Accio_ Book of Essences," said James, twirling his wand with his free hand.

A book dislodged itself from the shelf and sailed smoothly at him; he caught it with one hand and flipped it open. "Nifflers..." he murmured as he thumbed through the pages. "Aha! Extract the exhale of a niffler's breath with the spell _Vaspersio. _Perfect._" _He tossed the book aside and held the niffler up, his wand aimed at its furry snout. "_Vaspersio," _he whispered, and its breath condensed into a yellowish, swirling liquid, suspended in the air over James' lap. Moving quickly, he grabbed a small glass vile from his bag and prodded the liquid into it with his wand. Once the vile was full, he corked it and set it aside.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Niffler, for allowing me to borrow your putrid breath." He rose with the creature still in his arms and hurried to the door. Lily could hear his sneakered feet bounding up the stairs. "Go join your gang," he said, and the sound of the trap door slamming shut reverberated through the small room.

He was back in a flash, hazel eyes darting toward her to gauge her reaction, before sitting down. Now he opened up the first book again. "Stir in the Essence of Niffler after twenty-two spins of the cauldron." James sighed. "Spins? Do they mean stirs? Or should I spin it?"

Lily couldn't resist. She looked up and met his eyes, his hazel gaze sending sparks through her body. "It means stirring. Some of the more old-fashioned books still use the term spinning."

"You're the best," he said fervently, and set to work stirring the cauldron full of greenish liquid.

"What are you making? I've never heard of any potion calling for Essence of Niffler."

James winced. "Uh- Well, you know. Just a little pick-me-up for the Quidditch team. To help them when it gets cold out."

"Hmm. I hadn't realized those potions were quite so complicated."

His face reddened. "Me neither. I'm having a lot of trouble with it. These instructions are crap- for instance 'Add a spoonful of ground unicorn horn...' Slughorn has spoons of all sizes and shapes! How am I supposed to know which one to use?"

Lily shook her head, her silky auburn hair sliding over her shoulders with the movement. "Standard spoon size is half a chicken's egg. If it says "spoon" with no other indicators, it means half a chicken egg sized."

James looked up at her and shook his head. "Amazing." After twenty-two stirs, he uncorked the Essence of Niffler and poured it into the potion. A slight mist rose off of the greenish liquid, and when it'd cleared, the potion was deep gold. Lily frowned at it-something about it reminded her of-

"So," said James, interrupting her thoughts. "Shall we work on entertainment ideas for after the Halloween feast while we're both here?"

Lily closed her transfiguration book with a snap. It was no use even pretending to read it. "Sure," she said with a smile. _Let the friendship begin_, she thought as she leaned toward James, fighting the sense of despair that swept over her at her own thoughts.

He studied her face, hazel eyes alight with something Lily couldn't put a finger on. "I was hoping you'd say that."


	12. Sparks and Stars

Disclaimer: This whole world belongs to JK Rowling (who is, very sadly, not me). Although I'm proud to say Jasper is a figment of my own imagination.

A/N: Welp, I got this chapter out in a much shorter expanse of time than the last one. It hasn't been edited, so there may be typos. I'll have to go through at a later point in my life and get rid of them. It's funny-I feel guilty if I don't update, but I feel even guiltier if I take a break from my own work to stick more words in the HP world.

Also, I have a few more chapters planned for this story, but I'm not sure when I'll get around to writing them. Perhaps if I get lots of reviews it will be sooner? They're generally fairly inspirational (the only reason I wrote this chapter was because I finally checked my fanfic email and felt bad for all the people wishing I'd continue).

Anyway, hope you all enjoy the next chapter, and thanks for the reviews! Feedback is always appreciated.

The morning of the Halloween feast dawned crisp and sunny. Lily jumped down out of her lofted bed, startling Jasper who'd been curled up at her feet, and ran to the window. The leaves had begun to turn brilliant yellows and bright reds, and the sun lit up the maple closest to her, making it flash like fire. _Like the Great Hall will flash tonight, _she thought, excitement building all over again. Her and James had come up with an excellent idea for the feast.

She stood at the window, eyes drifting over the colorful grounds, mind immersed in memories from last night. After their meeting with the Prefects, James had led Lily back to the Head's den and pulled a bottle of Firewhiskey from his sleeve. "I knew you were going to be worrying about tomorrow," he'd said, pouring her a steaming glass (which had also come from his sleeve). "And this seemed like an appropriate beverage for the event... so I thought we might indulge together."

He was so handsome, his gaze so bright in contrast with his dark hair, his expression nervous yet excited, that she couldn't say no. They were of age after all, she'd had to remind herself on several occasions. And he'd been so nice the past few days, handling her as if she were as delicate as a baby unicorn.

And so they'd drank, giving cheers to their first event as Heads, laughing and talking... and dancing. It was foggy, but Lily vaguely remembered dancing, her cheek pressed up against his muscular chest, the thought that dancing with your best friend was perfectly normal in the forefront of her mind.

They'd come a long way since the night with the Niffler potion, Lily realized. And he'd done it so sneakily-showing up at lunch with Alice, and when she didn't complain about that, lounging in the gigantic green armchair that'd magically appeared next to her favorite one in the library. Giving her tips on Transfiguration that she couldn't ignore (she'd finally banished the soles on the bottoms of her rabbit's feet!) and asking her for help with Charms. It was just so _natural _to be with him...

She tore her gaze from the window. If she didn't get moving she'd be late... she pulled her robes on and tripped over Jasper as she tried to get to the bathroom. Soon her teeth had been cleaned by magic, her hair magically de-knotted, and her worn white sneakers hugged her feet.

"See ya Jasper," she called as she ran out the door, grabbing her neatly packed bag on the way out. The cat glared at her with yellow eyes as she closed the door behind her.

Her gaze darted to the spot where the golden potion had been simmering for the past few days. The cauldron was gone, all potion supplies cleared away. _He must've finally figured it out, _she thought, amused. It was rare for James Potter to have trouble with anything magical.

She climbed clumsily over the round doorway and up the spiral stairs. It wasn't until the trap door had closed solidly behind her that she let up her rush. Now she had precisely ten minutes to get to class.

Her stomach rumbled as she walked, but that was okay with her. She wanted to be starving for the feast that night. When she reached class, she sat down at her desk, back straight, eyes forward, wand laid neatly out, ready to focus so that she could feel good about taking a night off from schoolwork for the feast.

And for the rest of the day, that's what she did: focus. In Herbology she meticulously cared for her Flame Orchid, dousing it with occasional sprinkles of water from her wand that sent steam curling from the roots. In potions, she took nearly twenty minutes to chop her frog liver, shredding each slice with careful chops. And during transfiguration, she earned five points towards Gryffindor for the lop-eared rabbit she'd transfigured.

Finally, McGonagall dismissed them, giving the class a tiny, tight smile. "See you all at the feast," she said as they poured out of the door.

The Great Hall looked wonderful: live bats fluttered across the starry sky, momentarily wiping out swathes of stars, someone had levitated Hagrid's giant pumpkins inside the castle, and hundreds of candles lined the walls, their flames dancing merrily. At the front of the Hall, a platform had been raised where the professors generally sat, and the professors had been mixed in with the students they were most closely associated with.

Hagrid had come up from his cabin to join them, and Dumbledore conjured up a massive armchair for him, which he'd pulled up to the Gryffindor table. Lily sat on the bench next to him.

"Heard ye and James have a surprise planned for us," he said, cheeks rosy from the cold walk across the grounds.

Lily grinned. "That's right." Students had begun to file in, and soon Alice and James had come to sit near her and Hagrid. The rest of the Marauders plopped down on the bench across from them.

"I figured I ought to sit next to you tonight," whispered James, his mouth close to her ear so that he'd be heard over the roar of incoming students. "Seeing as this is practically our love child and everything."

Lily squashed the urge to roll her eyes-a year ago such a remark would've caused war. Instead, she laughed. For a moment, James looked surprised. And then a smile spread unbidden across his face. From across the table, Sirius watched this interaction, his face unreadable, eyes cool.

Once the crowd of students filing in had trickled off, Dumbledore stood up from his spot among the Gryffindors and cleared his throat. The low rumble of chatter cut off at once.

"Good evening, my fine witches, wizards and werewolves," there was a ripple of laughter across the hall as students jokingly accused their friends of being werewolves. "Welcome to our splendid, annual Halloween feast, organized by Heads Potter and Evans," a smattering of applause, and then he was allowed to continue. "As a courtesy to yourselves I ask you to remain in your seats after your plate has been cleared. Now, on to what we have all gathered here for: the feasting!"

As soon as his robes had brushed the bench, food filled the golden platters. The students dug in, and Lily filled her plate with treacle tart and brie puff pastries and Yorkshire pudding and fluffy mashed potatoes. In between bites of the delicious food, she gulped down mouthfuls of ice-cold pumpkin juice.

Once they'd all stuffed themselves to oblivion, their plates disappeared and the Great Hall went suddenly black. There was nervous movement among the students, and someone at the Slytherin table let out a shrill string of nervous laughter.

Fiery words appeared on the walls: "PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER, FOR THE FLAMING PHOENIXES!" The doors to the Great Hall burst open to tumultuous applause. Brassy notes echoed through the hall, as the Flaming Phoenixes marched down the middle aisle, their instruments blazing.

As soon as they'd set foot on the stage, the music started, loud and fast and catchy. At every note, fire burst from the ends of their instruments, and swirled through the air in time to the music. Screams of glee joined the music as the students rose to their feet, swaying to the lilting melodies of their new hit album: Phoenix Ashes.

Lily watched, awed by the players' bravery with the fire. They let it lick over their bare skin, twining fantastic patterns around their shins like an overly friendly cat. She was so caught up in the show that she didn't notice when James slid a tiny golden vial out of his pocket and tilted the contents into his mouth.

"Want to dance?" he asked once most of the younger students had been ushered to bed. A slower song had come on, probably the last one. All around the Great Hall couples had risen to spin on the spot. Lily deliberated, but his expression was such a mix of hope and nerves that she didn't have the heart to turn him down.

"Sure."

Across the table, Sirius' eyebrows had risen. James nodded subtly in his direction, and a smile slid across his handsome face. "Have fun, Prongsie," he said.

James stood and offered his hand gallantly to Lily. She stood, and suddenly she wished that she'd worn something other than her school robes to the feast. "You look beautiful," he said, almost as though he'd read her thoughts. "But then again, you always look beautiful."

She could feel her cheeks warm as he placed his hands carefully around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "You're supposed to put your arms around my neck, silly," he said, tilting his head to look down at her. She barely heard him-she was too busy soaking in the shine of his hazel eyes through his thick, dark eyelashes, the way his jaw muscle tensed even as he smiled.

One of his warm, calloused hands found hers and raised it up so that it rested on his shoulder. Her other hand automatically followed the other, and soon her fingers were twined around the back of his neck, his hair tickling her wrists.

They rocked slowly on the spot, the music flowing over and around and into them. Usually she made fun of this sort of dancing-Alice always called it the zombie waltz, but at that moment, safe in James' arms, she couldn't think of any place she'd rather be. Lily closed her eyes, but she could still see the flames dancing on the backs of her eyelids.

After a few minutes of rocking in circles, Lily felt comfortable enough to let her cheek rest against his chest. She felt his arms stiffen momentarily around her, and the thud of his heart was loud in her ears. Then his hands tightened subconsciously against her hips, and she was pulled even closer, her body pressed against his.

A wave of heat flooded her body, and the lining of her stomach turned to silk. She wanted to _kiss _him, to touch him, and not just through the thick material of his robes... the last few notes trailed off, echoing through the Great Hall, and the Flaming Phoenixes had set down their smoldering instruments.

James pulled away from Lily. "We'd better help the prefects round up the rest of the kids," he said. She nodded, and let him slip away from her hold with regret.

Once the Great Hall had emptied of students, (most of them had followed the Phoenixes out of the castle, to give them a lingering goodbye), James trotted up to Dumbledore, who was chatting with Nearly Headless Nick in a corner. "Professor," he started, his voice eager. "Do you think Lily and I could stay to help the house elves clean up?"

Lily started to protest-that was sort of ridiculous, the house elves could do it almost instantly, and there wasn't much mess to clean up anyway-but something about straightness of James' back cut her off.

Dumbledore looked between them, eyes twinkling more than she'd ever seen them. "Of course, James. I'm sure they'll appreciate the help." Lily could've sworn he winked as he strode out of the Hall alongside Nick.

James hadn't been lying when he'd said they'd help. They removed the singe marks from the floor and walls while the house elves vanished the tables and benches. The hall looked even more massive without its usual layout, and Lily felt very small standing under the wide, open sky. Soon the house elves had bid them goodnight and returned to the kitchens, and Lily and James were left alone in the Great Hall.

Goosebumps chased each other up her arms as she sensed him behind her, and she turned to see him standing a few feet away, hands suspended away from his sides, as though he were deliberating what he was about to do next. "Sit with me a moment?" he asked, and he sounded so shy, so nervous, that her heart twanged with pain.

"Of course." His face brightened, but she could see his nervousness in the quiver of his hands as he pulled out his wand. A thick golden blanket exploded out of its tip and floated to the marbled floor. He sat down, his long legs making a tent of his robes in front of him, and she could see his black Adidas poking out from underneath. It was strange to see such a familiar muggle brand smack dab in the middle of the wizarding world...

She sat down beside him, tucking her feet beneath her. "You seem nervous," she said after a moment of silence passed.

He grimaced. "Do I?"

"Just a little." She smiled, trying to put him at ease, and scooted closer so that she could rest her head against his shoulder. He smelled like grass and campfires and fresh rain. "You shouldn't be."

A small laugh escaped his lips, as though he were laughing at a private joke, and then he sobered again, his jaw muscle tense. "It's just hard," he said at last, "when you can see your life splitting down two different paths, and your whole heart aches for it go one way, but that isn't up to you. It's up to someone else too, and...and that someone may not want to follow that same path."

His words made her head ring, and she could feel her pulse quicken in her wrists. "What if she does want to? Follow that path, I mean."

"Well that's why... why..." the words seemed stuck in his throat. "Let me show you." He waved his wand, and a glass jar came floating over from where it'd been hidden in a shadowy corner. It was full of tiny glowing lights, like the firefly lanterns she'd made with Petunia when they were little girls.

His hands tensed over the lid, and then with one swift movement it came undone, and the lights shot skyward. Lily lay back, head spinning with a mixture of amazement and nervousness and excitement, as she watched the lights arrange themselves among the stars in the enchanted ceiling.

It took a few moments-James' hands wrung nervously in his lap as he watched-but then the picture came clear. It was a scene that was familiar to Lily, one that she'd imagined often in the weeks past.

A girl sat on the forest floor, her legs curled under her in the same position that Lily was sitting now, her hair a curtain over one shoulder. She was alone, until a starlit stag galloped out from a constellation. He folded his legs gracefully beneath himself as he laid next to her, his neck a graceful arc, his antlers silver cutouts against the black expanse of the sky. Star-Lily rested her head on him, her hand playing in his silky fur. Even from here, on the cold marble floor of the Great Hall, she could tell his fur was soft.

It was beautiful work-her hair rippled with an imaginary wind, and Lily could make out the flutter of the stag's eyelashes as he leaned into the pressure of her hand. "It's beautiful," she whispered, and he turned to her, eyes as bright as the stars above.

"There's more," he whispered. She returned her gaze to the sky above, and felt her cheeks warm as more stars rearranged themselves into words, moving left to right like some massive hand were writing them out in the sky. Lily even recognized the scrawling slant of James' handwriting. _I _formed slowly, and then faster, faster, _love you Lily Evans. _

James tore his gaze from the sky, cheeks raspberry pink. "It's true." His voice was slightly hoarse. "And, and I was wondering-" he cut off and shook his head. "I know it's crazy, but it's seemed like lately maybe you like me back and-"

"James Potter, I would love, _love _to be your girlfriend."

He gave a hoarse yell, and suddenly his mouth was on hers, and he tasted even better than he smelled, like pine trees and mint and forest, and his hands were in her hair, around her waist, pulling her closer, and she wanted to be closer, so close that she could feel his chest muscles against her body, the faint trace of his abs against her stomach. "I love you, Lily," he whispered as they pulled apart to breathe. "I love you, I love you, I love you, and Merlin I have wanted to do that forever."


	13. Queries and Quills

Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, therefore I own none of this.

Author's note:

Thank you for the reviews, lovelies! Who saw the last segment of Harry Potter (I'm writing this the morning after)? Gah, I cried through most of it and I'm not even sure if it was because it was that great or because new HP stuff is ending forever. I brought my wand with me and clutched it the entire time. Anyway, I'm counseling at a summer camp so this will probably be short. Just a filler...

Mum,

How are you? Doing well I hope. And dad? I figured it would be more worthwhile to write to you, as Dad's always too busy to answer, but tell him he's still my favorite parent. Just kidding. School's been going along smooth as a charm. Sirius hasn't been expelled yet, and my Head duties are much less intensive than I'd imagined them to be, particularly with Lily as my fellow head. Speaking of Lily, (you know, the one with the sunset red hair and perfect rose lips that I gabbed on about for the past six summers? I'm sure you do) well let's just say I've won her over enough so that now she'll lay those lips on me. Oh don't worry mum, not like that. It took a bit of extra luck to convince her, but with the combination of my people and potions skills, I triumphed in the end. That's right, this is basically a big 'HOLY HIPPOGRIFFS, LILY EVANS IS MY GIRLFRIEND' brag letter. Anyway, the next step is to convince her to come visit over Christmas break, so that she can meet you guys. Give Jorkin a belly rub for me, will you? And write back soon!

Your lustrous son,

James

Dear Dad,

I hope you, mum and Petty have been well. School has been as fantastic as ever, but I do miss you. How's the business going? Have you sold any more of the roses? I always hope that by including lots of questions in my letters you'll be spurred to write me back more quickly. And so by that note, is Petunia still dating the whale you wrote to me about earlier? In the last letter, you asked me about Severus. Oh, he's fine I suppose, but I can only report that from a distance. Since our last blow out we haven't spoken much, and I'm afraid some of my recent decisions have left him gazing at me like he wants to make my hair fierier than it already is. I do miss him sometimes, particularly when I find myself doing simple magic, such as making flowers bloom. That always was his favorite. But I suppose people come in and out of your life, and that's just the way it is. I've pretty much managed to let go of him. Alice is good. She's dating an older wizard, a nice fellow named Frank Longbottom. He seems very sweet, although he is rather clumsy. Last time he was here he knocked an entire platter of gobstoppers onto the floor. Alice says she finds it charming. I suspect that they may marry soon; in these hard times, people snap up love as soon as they find it. And then there's Jasper. He's as affable as ever. Even Filch, the new caretaker, seems to have a fondness for him, and that's saying something as Filch is the sort that tortures first and asks questions later.

Why am I writing, you ask? Well, I'm coming to that. It's sort of hard to write. I guess I'll start with... Do you remember James Potter? I'm sure you do, after my years of ranting about his stupid pranks and conceitedness and bullying spirit. Gah, this is going to be difficult to say after all of that. Let's just say that this year, he's changed. He may have changed earlier, and I was just so thick that I didn't see it, but I finally began to notice. He's nice to first years, smart, funny, his pranks are numerous but generally tasteful (and laughter is important in such dark times!), he's magically talented... the list could go on. And you know what Dad? I realized after much struggle and denial, that I'm in love with him. So...(drum roll) he asked me out a few weeks ago, and I said yes! That's right, James Potter is my boyfriend and I'm actually happy about it. Who would've believed it? Anyway, he's great. He helps me study for transfiguration, and takes me for midnight broom rides, and even sneaks into the kitchens to bring me things like hot cocoa in the morning (he knows I miss my muggle drinks). Anyway, I really want you to meet him, and I know he'd like to meet you too. I haven't asked him yet, but I was thinking I'd invite him over for a few days this Christmas break-if it's okay with you of course.

Love you Dad,

Lily

Lily sealed the envelope magically and tied it to a tawny owl that had held his leg out for her. "Don't leave until you've got a reply," she told him, slipping an owl treat into his willing beak. With a flutter of wings, the owl took off through the open window. She watched as it turned into a small speck against the sky, and then turned to trot down the stairs. The view from the open windows on either side of the staircase was fantastic-the grounds were glossy with a fine layer of frost, the lake shimmery silver to match the sky. The color almost reminded Lily of James' invisibility cloak. She had just trotted down the spiral staircase to the Head's Den when a pair of strong arms swept her up.

"James!" cried Lily, her legs dangling feet off the ground. "Put me down!"

"Hello dearest doe of my heart," he murmured against the side of her neck, his warm breath causing her hair to rise. She could feel the warm, solid swell of his chest against her back. If his arm hadn't been digging into her ribcage and preventing her from breathing, she would've been very content indeed.

"I... can't... breathe!" she gasped, squirming some more. The arms released her, and her feet hit the floor with a soft pat. He spun her around, hazel eyes glittering, and bowed his head to crash his lips against hers. After a few more breathless moments, Lily stepped back, her head spinning.

"I still can't believe you let me do that!" James said, rubbing at his stubble in disbelief. "It's like... like I have to do it over and over again to remind myself that you're _mine._"

"I can't be yours if I'm dead from suffocation."

"Well I'll always be yours, Lily Evans, dead or alive or inferi. I will always, always be yours." His eyes were serious behind his glasses, his arms tight around her back. Lily found herself amending her previous statement.

"I suppose I'm as yours as it gets as well." Her sigh made him grin, and he led her fully into the Head's Den. Lily noticed that his head nearly brushed the squat ceiling. They sat down across from each other, in the cushy armchairs by the fire. She stroked Jasper as she thought about how to broach the subject of visiting her home with James over break, and he picked up the folded Daily Prophet that'd been lying next to his chair. "Any news?"

"None of it good," he said darkly. "Voldemort's been making house visits to witches and wizards he wishes to join him. If they refuse, they end up dead." James paused, clearly measuring his words before he spoke them, and then said, "Dumbledore spoke to me yesterday. He's afraid moldy Voldy might try to recruit me once I leave Hogwarts, you know since I'm pure blood and have good grades."

Fear, icy and cold, filled Lily's chest, giving her goose bumps. "What're you going to do?" she whispered. The air suddenly felt heavy on her shoulders, too heavy for normal conversation.

"Face him. I want to fight. I _have _to fight... I couldn't live with myself if I did anything else."

Lily nodded, understanding. "I know. I want to fight too. It's my kind he's targeting and..." James had frozen at her words, his jaw muscles bunching.

"I... Lily..."

"I have to, James. I know you understand."

"I do it's just..." he shook his head. "Merlin, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Probably die."

Lily found herself on her feet, pulled to him like a moth to light. "I don't want you to ever die," she whispered, settling on his lap. He pulled her closer, his arms snug around her waist. They were silent for awhile, allowing the heat of their bodies to warm each other, press away the cold fingers of fear that the newspaper had brought.

Finally James said, "I've been meaning to ask you... Would you like to come visit my place for a few days this vacation? I'd like you to meet my parents." His fingers moved from her waist to her cheek, brushing the soft skin with tentative fingers.

"I was going to ask you the same thing!" Lily said, surprised, half turning to meet his gaze. He laughed.

"Maybe we could do both-spend a few days at your house and then go to mine. I can't imagine spending any amount of time away from you anyway..." His mouth brushed her neck.

Lily's lips curled at the idea. She tried to picture James sitting at their worn kitchen table, the bright yellow cabinets and everyday muggle things surrounding him. She couldn't imagine it. "I'd like that," she said. "I'd like that a lot."


End file.
